Speaker 0 00:00:00 Welcome back to another episode of does this make me look old with Shivan SIM still on hiatus? I am again doing the introduction for the show. My name is Ross Clark. I'm the owner of Toronto podcast studio. And I've been doing the editing of, does this make me look old since the start of the podcast before we get into today's episode, I want you to do a quick reminder that you can still reach out to SIM Shiv at, does this make me look
[email protected] and you can follow along on social media for any updates on today's show. You're going to hear one of the most popular episodes, episode three, do relationships change as you age. This was a really fun episode. So let's take a listen.
Speaker 1 00:00:41 Hi and welcome to does this make me look old, a podcast about aging as gracefully as possible when you're just not ready or to 40 something year old friends move find themselves kind of straddling that really odd period of time when aging and everything that is associated with is starting to become a much bigger part of our lives. We're definitely curious, but at the same time, rather terrified about aging. I'm Schiff. I'm a health science nerd and pop culture themes, and I'm SIM and adult and weighting obsessed with finance and self-help books. We're going to be talking about the stereotypes of aging and how they affect us. And we'll also be doing some deeper dives into some interesting topics, such as what it's like to get old in the society dating when you're older and scientific advancements in anti-aging products and even evolution in scientific thinking around aging and throughout it all we chat rant laugh about or adulting mishaps of which there are so, so, so many.
Speaker 1 00:01:40 So join us as we navigate our second quarter life crisis. Hi, and welcome to does this make me look old today? We want to talk about this documentary. We saw about, um, relationships and it's called it's on HBO and it's called Americans in bed. Yes. And a sheriff. Did you want to do a little intro to it? Maybe tell us the premise. Okay. So basically, um, it's a fascinating show, uh, looking at, um, at least 10, at least 10 couples. I think it's 10 couples. Yeah, 10. Um, and, uh, we should have some research or look it up, look at breasts, let us know. Anyway, so, um, yeah, so it's about 10 couples who are married and if needs, it appeared that they were all married and they were together for sure. Partnered, but I mean, it seems like that they seemed like they were all married.
Speaker 1 00:02:42 Yeah. And then, although not all of them were wearing rings. No, I know. That's what threw me off. I wasn't sure. Like, are these even, even in couples that were married, one partner was wearing the ring and the other wasn't and I was like, what's going on there? Are you married anyway? Yeah. And it basically films, couples in their homes in bed together with one another. And they talk about the entire course of their relationship from when they met and then, you know, to how, how it is going now. And it's like, it's really fascinating. I think that part of, I guess, why we wanted to do this kind of reaction piece of it is it shows it's a very diverse group of couples. It's from all different walks of life, all from different walks of life, all from different, all different ages, from very young couples to, you know, I think there's a couple in there who must've been in their nineties.
Speaker 1 00:03:33 They must've been married for like 70 years. 71. Yeah. So, um, you know, so it it's, uh, I found a kind of hopeful cause, and it was really nice seeing that couple that had been married, been together for 71 years. And like that still had that chemistry with one another. Cause it just gives you hope. No, that was so cute. So the old man says that he doesn't know what love is, but whatever it is, he feels it for his wife. No, my heart is still beating my melted right there. I was just like, oh my God, you guys, you guys are so cute together. I found it really.
Speaker 1 00:04:12 I mean, it really kind of makes you think about the relationships that you've had in your life and how they have changed as you've gotten older. And the other thing is, is that, um, what I found also kind of interesting is that the older couples seem to be much more secure in the relationships than the younger ones. Did you find that? Even, even when I, yeah, you're right. Like I think even the couples and not all couples are my definition of an ideal couple. Yeah. That's a, that's a whole, and so there was a older couple there that we were just talking about this, like the woman she seemed broken almost, but they're sort of staying together. I'll actually, yeah. They, they were probably, there were still secure in the sense that I feel like, yeah, like they're going to weather it and they're going to stay together.
Speaker 1 00:05:06 And I got the sense that they were going to stay together, but, but despite everything as opposed to actually, because they, the thing that lady said, like this marriage is like a good something, a good way and marriage, but it has that elements. So episodes. Yes. Well, it's interesting that she even called it an episode. I'm like, he fricking that's more than just an episode anyways. So yeah, like it was, it was interesting. Yeah. I mean, I guess I should have talked about the spectrum of the relationships. They would probably be on the older end, but like if you broke it down, I think that of the old ones in the older, older segment of their, like the ones that were kind of in later stages of their life, I felt that the more of them were more secure in their relationships earlier stages. Right.
Speaker 1 00:06:04 The Patty and Joe are those the, you remember the names or something? All of them. I think that's the first couple that they, that the documentary ends on as well. Oh my God. They are also so cute. They're kind of like in the middle stage of their lives, but you know, they're going to end up like that older couple. You're like, oh, they're going to weather it out for another 71 years. It'll just be like, they're just so adorable. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, what was interesting though was, was, um, cause I guess the, the documentary touched on, so you sort of had like that relationships, so sex part where they talked about sex and their sexual compatibility. And what was interesting was how most of the couples actually talked about how that initial physical attraction was there. Right. Like all of them, I think they all talked about like the first moment they won, they met each other.
Speaker 1 00:06:57 They kind of, you know, were very, very attracted to yeah, that's true. Oh yes. Cause even for Tema and Muhammad, I think they were also, yeah, they were physically attracted to one another. Which one was fatigue. Fatigue, not fatigue. Um, what's her name? Oh, Fatina was the uh, oh, the one who was crying. Yes. But he knows the one who was crying. I'm talking about ma Yasmeen, Yasmeen and Mohammad. Sorry. Yeah. So Yasmina Muhammad. Yeah. I think they even talked about their physical chemistry, even though they weren't actually allowed to be physical when they were first together right now. But I'm still fascinated by this I'm processing. I know we just finished watching this, but I'm just processing like just, I don't know. I it's it's like, what is it that sort of makes you decide to be in a relationship even when it's not necessarily going well?
Speaker 1 00:07:50 Yeah. Yeah. I know. I don't know I'm pivoting here, but it's just that I can't get over some of those stories like that. The, the gay couple, for example. Yeah. Um, I feel like two gay couples. So you mean the male gay couple? Yes. Um, I do, um, for read and George, George that's right. Like I felt like they were on their way out. Uh, one of them felt like he was checking out, I'm sorry to Fareed and George, if you're actually still together and I hope you are, I hope you are, but oh my God, it's true. Like one of them really seem to be checking out of the relationship. And it's just interesting. It's just painful to watch a little bit, a little, it's just interesting to like listen to these couples. Like you can kind of sense the way that they feel about each other in the words that they use.
Speaker 1 00:08:44 Like I found that like the ones that use distancing language from one another, like you can tell that they're like pulling way either from the situation that they're currently in talking to these people who are like, you know, these documentary film filmmakers in their bedrooms, or like just pulling away from the marriage, you know, it was just, yeah, it was, it was like a really fascinating dive into people's relationships, like really into their private lives. I can't imagine. I can't imagine actually being so vulnerable. So now it goes to them for agreeing to do so know for sure that that was, that was really, really brave. I mean, there was one couple that pretty much had a fight on camera and I was just like, what? The creative couple? Yeah. Like what the hell am I watching? Right. It was, yeah, it was crazy. Like it was crazy.
Speaker 1 00:09:35 Yeah. It, anyway, I mean, you know, it's funny because I was actually thinking like, had I been there in, in, in those situations, like each of those situations, like how would I have reacted? And I feel like in some of those relationships, like I would have been different back in my twenties. Okay. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, as in, like, I don't know if I would have been able to be that secure as the older couples are yeah. In my twenties. Interesting. Okay. Like there, there are certain parts of the documentary that really got me in the sense, like I, cause I was thinking back on like older relationships of mine and I was thinking like, you know, I felt the way that you're just talking about right now. Like I think it was, I think it was for read where he was talking about like the heart.
Speaker 1 00:10:22 Oh God. I know. And I've been there. I was just like, yeah, that's exactly what it is. You know, you give your heart up to somebody and then they like literally destroy it in front of you. And then, but you still pick up the broken pieces and decide to, you know, given man and it men in any way, shape or form to like resemble what it was before and you give it back to them and they still managed to destroy it. And you keep going through the cycle until you decide you can't do it anymore. And I was like, I haven't been there. You know? And like, it's interesting. It's interesting. Like I feel that when you're learning to be in relationships, that's what happens to you? Like you kind of go through these cycles of being open and vulnerable to people. And then at some point you realize which people are worth being open and vulnerable to, before you do that again.
Speaker 1 00:11:13 Um, I mean, I mean, that's just speaking from personal experience. Like I'm sure some people never actually learned, or some people knew all the way from the get-go, you know, that like there are certain people that are worth it and certain people that aren't, you know, but yeah, it was, it was interesting. I think that like, in my twenties, even thirties, I probably would have like really, really that comment would have really resonated with me. I mean, it still resonates with me in some way, but like, I feel that, I don't know, like I, like, I also see it from the other side where, you know, like the older couples are talking and they're talking about how it's just really nice to feel that you have somebody that you can trust and just be with and be with. And like when you actually get that, it's true.
Speaker 1 00:11:56 Like it, it it's like, I think that's when you realize and you're with the person you're supposed to be with. That's what was interesting. So, so, you know, the first couple that they ended up really sweet couple Joe and Joe and Patty, I think that's what their names were. The ones with the kids, the ones with the kids and the dog and the dog. The dog. Yeah. Yeah. Like I think that 20 in my twenties I would have actually been, not that, that was a sign of a failure. Yeah. That's a good, boring relationship. And that's just, that's something that you wouldn't want to strive for if you, like, I thought, what the heck I need to get out? This relationship is not working for me yet. And um, you know, like, oh my God, that is so sad. And you know, how can you call this a marriage?
Speaker 1 00:12:40 And yet now when I was watching it, I was like, oh my God, a couple goals, no other actually, it's very interesting that you say that because it's true. I think in my twenties or even into my early thirties, hell even my late thirties, um, I, you know that polyamorous, oh, I can't even remember his name. I don't want anyway, but well actually the couple wasn't polyamorous, just one half of a couple of polyamory. So the man in the relationship was polyamorous, his partner, the woman wasn't Blanca. That was her name. I just remember her because I just liked, she was so she is just so cute. Yeah. So yeah. So Blanca and polyamory guy, but like, you know, you know, when he was talking about being on this rollercoaster ride of emotion that resonated like the high highs and the low lows, like I think in my twenties or thirties, that is what I believed the relationship was, was like this intense, these intense feelings where people, you know, where you were just like really, really high and then like, but even in the lows, you kind of almost got off on the lows because they were just like, so, so, um, like you just felt so much, you know, intense, right?
Speaker 1 00:13:58 Yeah. It was the intensity of it. And so you were just, and you, and like, I don't know, like, I don't know if it's something that we are fed in society that like these intense, dramatic situations are really what you should be striving for in a relationship. But like, I know that in my youth, I probably would have thought, but like that's what a good relationship is, you know, as passion, the passion and the intensity and the drama. Right. As opposed to, you know, just like the stability and the, um, reliability and just the trust that you would have in like, uh, in a, this actually reminds me of another story. And then just that intensity piece. Have you ever heard of a suitable boy by the author? Come set? Have you read it? Yeah. Okay. So when I first read it, I think it was like 24. Yeah. Okay. Caveat read it, but I don't remember much of it, so oh. But, but do you remember the, the basic premise of the story of how she, how she comes to her decision?
Speaker 1 00:15:04 Okay. Just talk it so and so, so, so the premise is this. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's an epic book, so for those of you who haven't read it, please read it. Um, there is also a BBC show that probably is coming up, which I'm dying to watch, but this book was just so well-written like, even without the story, just the language was beautiful. But anyway, the point is, um, so it's about this girl and I think her name was letter. Maybe think so. I think so. I want to say, um, I really need to read this book again. It's been, it's been awhile, but anyway, so her it's, it's basically about finding a match for her and through her life, she ends up, you know, first meeting this one guy who is incredibly passionate, incredibly an activist. And, and, and, you know, like he's just brilliant in this, you know, like in, uh, like a very charismatic personality.
Speaker 1 00:16:06 And, you know, I feel like a lot of people wanted her to end up with him. I remember having those discussions where it's like, no, that's the most passionate relationship. The second guy, it was more of an intellectual connection. The second guy was a lot more reserved. So there was a lot more, you know, like it was very sophisticated cerebral, cerebral, and, and the person, I mean, I don't know if I'm giving anything away here, but whatever, should we be spoiling things caveat, if you don't want to know the ending, don't skip, skip, skip ahead. But the, she, she basically, the third option is someone who is neither a cerebral connection nor a passionate physical connection. And she ends up picking that because she, I kid you not actually talks about not wanting those highs and the lows remembering this. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And, and I remember actually being incredibly upset about that decision.
Speaker 1 00:17:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and actually now I want to reread it. I want to see how I react now. Now you've made me want to reread it too, because now that I'm remembering it, I would have wanted her to be with the first guy I wanted her to be with a second guy. Oh, interesting. Because I did agree with her that the first guy was too much drama it could have been because I mean, I was like coming out of a very dramatic thing and I was like, oh, this useless, there's no such thing as you know, that kind of love, you know, I just want someone that I'm intellectually drawn to someone I can have fun talking to.
Speaker 1 00:18:03 Yeah. Actually I wonder if I would be okay with a third guy now. I hope not because he sounded no, but actually I remember, you know, that's actually not a fair statement to make because at the time I was like, what's the right word. I think at the time I was influenced by the fact that I didn't value those characteristics. And so it's not fair to sort of say that, you know? Um, I hope not because maybe I do, I guess maybe there is something redeeming about him. Yeah. Well, there's, there's something nice about the reliability of it all does sound boring. Bill Joe, Patty don't sound boring. That's true. They didn't sound boring at all. You actually sounded very, yeah. But I think that my, the like their, I think their relationship, like if you look, if you look at it like logically, it is not as passionate or as dramatic as like Blanca relationship with polyamory guy.
Speaker 1 00:19:15 I refuse to know his name anyway, whatever I actually don't remember, but, oh gosh, I was so annoyed. Yeah. Well, anyway, even the polyamory, I think what bothers me about it is that like fine. You know what be polyamorous. That's great. As long as your partner is okay with you being polyamorous, she clearly was with, she likes monogamy. And I feel like that's the problem. Don't don't force this on her anyway. It's just, it's just, yeah. I think that was the part that annoyed me because he was like, oh, I respect her thing like her.
Speaker 1 00:19:57 Oh my God. I know it was just very upsetting. So upsetting and yeah. Anyway, but like, I'm just saying that like Joe and Patty have that kind of like reliability in their like, relationship, but they're still very affectionate with each other and, and very like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, I think like you can tell that their lives aren't boring, even though that intensity of yeah. The intensity of the, um, original like passion that they had for each other is like, not necessarily there anymore, but I think what you, what I got from their relationship was that they still find things to laugh about. But you can have that with somebody who doesn't have that with somebody who is like reliable though, I guess. No, you're right. Clearly. Oh my God. Okay. Okay. Your sense of humor doesn't disappear.
Speaker 1 00:20:57 Oh, you can tell who's the single one in this friendship develop a sense of maturity when it comes to relationships. It's fine. I had a lot of Hills and boons and Harlequin romances, passionate guy. Oh, I'm not understand. I know that it was about, about, um, that was the name of the character. He was like, oh, I don't know what it was about him. That I really liked him. He was just so quiet and sarcastic. And like, he just called to politics. I was like, oh my God, I love this. I love this guy. No, it's true. Like intellectual guys are intellectual people. So yeah, exactly. Like they're very, yeah, they're there. Yeah. It's just interesting to like activate that part of your brain when you're. Well, it was funny. Oh, now I remember. Okay. So the girl lotta, um, she basically doesn't want the first guy because, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 00:22:30 She's so passionate. And then she doesn't want the second guy. Cause she's like, oh, he only talks about like he's so like into his books and stuff and he's not passionate at all. And he would forget me. Um, that's what she says. She says that he's like an absent minded professor. And then she picks someone who was not passionate about her anyway. Oh, you know what? This reminds me of little women. Oh, it's the other book too. Yeah. I'm still upset. The Joel was and ended up with him. But I'm just wondering that as I grew older, maybe that's funny because yes. As a kid, when I read little women, I was very upset. I was so upset. But when we watched the Gretta growing version of little women, is it Amy, Beth, Amy, Amy, Amy. I always forget Amy. I actually understood her this time.
Speaker 1 00:23:26 I did too. I never did. I never understood her before. I think Gretta really pulled that character and like really made her understandable to a modern, to a modern re like well to a modern reader, I guess, because I remember when I was reading that I didn't understand. I didn't understand any Amy at all. She seemed like a spoiled brat. I don't understand why she ended up with Laurie. And then Joe ends up, ends up with this like professor, like I did not get it, but like I I'm semi sort of getting it now, but still not totally, but I understand Erin Amy a lot more, a lot more so, so I guess that's, that brings us to the question. So I guess for our listeners who haven't watched or read a little bit, what are you doing, please go and read it. Yeah. But like we, yeah, but the synopsis is, is that these are like four sisters who live in oh, shoot.
Speaker 1 00:24:26 Somewhere in the Eastern us. And uh, but it's like right after the civil war and um, yeah. And it's just kind of about their lives and yeah. And I guess their love interests as they are growing up. So it's basically, but like, and the CA the book basics basically, um, centers, the character around Joe, who's the second oldest of the four sisters, Joe, March her, um, I guess, dreams to be a writer. And, uh, and, and like the lives of center around the family, as well as kind of like move into adulthood. Thanks. So, yeah. Friendship with this guy called .
Speaker 1 00:25:14 Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, so I never understood why she wasn't with Lori. It made no sense to me. I mean, but now that I understand a little bit more about Louisa may Alcott in her life, it makes more sense to me now. I, yeah. I'm still convinced that Louisa may Alcott was most likely lesbian and, uh, and so kudos to her for not actually, you know, getting Joe and Lori together. Yeah. I get it now. But like, but I guess when you're, when you were a kid and you're reading this book, you don't quite get the context. You're just like, why is she not with him? They have such chemistry together, you know, anyway. Yeah. You know, it's interesting that I don't know if there's an onus on us to sort of revisit our childhood favorites as adults and sort of see if you know how our perspectives of yeah, no, I think, I think that's a great idea. I think that, uh, yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of books that I've read where as a 20 year old, I just did not understand the perspective of the protagonist that maybe now that I'm, you know, two decades older that I'll actually, I actually have another example. Yeah. So I mean, most of my life, the first time I read pride and prejudice, Elizabeth Bennett was me.
Speaker 1 00:26:33 I was Elizabeth Bennett. I was going to grow up. And obviously Mr. Darcy was like, ultimate loved him, loved her. She was the best. I loved pride and prejudice so much that I would reread it all the time. And I can't remember when, I mean, you know, and I, and I've read all her books, right. Like, um, all six of them and, and, uh, Jane Austen's books. But at one point I remember that the book that I probably didn't enjoy as much was personalization. Um, and yet now I probably prefer that to, to pride and prejudice. Oh, interesting. Why? I don't know. Like I find, um, it's so much more real. Like I, I love and yeah, think, um, and, um, and I just left, you know, like she wasn't someone vivacious, she didn't make the right decisions early on in her life. She did have regrets. She was trying to deal with it. Um, you know, there was, um, you know, the, the captain when he comes back, um, oh my gosh. Now I'm blanking on my name securely. How much do I really let this book? But I really do. I promise you that I went forth.
Speaker 1 00:27:55 He, you know, I call it podcast brain. Yes, exactly. Talk about this. Of course. I can't remember any, no, normally I can like, you know, um, discuss ad nauseum about these things. But anyway, um, he, he was also flawed, right? Like he had, he was angry, um, at how the relationship had ended. Um, he was truly trying to move on and then, you know, just circumstances keep kept throwing them together. So at one point he just realized that he still cared and it was like a very soft romance, almost like, you know, like that, where they're truly understanding each other. And it's, you know, the truth as adults. Like, you know, they're actually making the decision, knowing full well, the limitations and then the flaws in each other. Um, and, and they're now choosing to be together, you know, in a more mature and realistic way.
Speaker 1 00:28:48 And, and honestly, I loved reading it. Like, I don't know. I think it was like about maybe six or seven years ago that when I, I was like, oh, well, I'll just read, read the book. And then I just fell in love with it. And I was like, why didn't I like this as much when I was younger, vaguely remember reading persuasion, but I don't remember it. Like, I, I wonder if I just, there's some books that you read and you're just like, did I just kind of like, and that was probably where I was. Yeah. Whereas, I mean, so, you know, like, I mean, I reread my old books from time to time and, and, uh, that book, I think I had just hadn't picked up in the years just because, you know, if ever there was a, um, you know, Jane Austin book to read, I would usually read, um, private prejudice or sense of sensibility or Emma loved Emma persuasion was one of those that I was like, oh, maybe someday. Like I liked it. And yet when I re-read it a few years ago, I was like, oh my God, this is actually such a sweet story. And I think I like you better. Interesting. So wait a minute. So do persuasion, what's the chronology of it. I'm just curious about it in terms of like Jane, Austin's kind of like trajectory as a writer or did persuasion come at the end?
Speaker 1 00:30:05 Do you know what I mean? Like, out with that, like six tablets of like books, I don't even know if that's a word, but I actually don't know. We should look it up. Yeah. Cause that would actually be interesting to find that. Cause I'm just curious to know whether or not as she aged whether or not the character of her books kind of changed with her. Yeah. Actually I've never thought of the chronology of it. They actually only wrote like what six books. Oh, she wrote that. I thought she did. She just never finished it or was it something like that? Okay. We need a researcher again. Like I think this is a sign of aging to know everything from her birthday to now. I can't remember names of our characters or her books. I'm just blaming the podcasts. It's just like trying to get all of that information out of your head on the spot.
Speaker 1 00:31:10 It's also says something about how we refuse to do a lot of research. We started talking about these things and we just go off in tangents. Like you started off talking because we're both like, oh my God, Americans in bed, this documentary people need to watch it. You know, why are the older couples more happier than the younger couples are? Like, what are we missing? Two like Jane Austin, Austin. It's so funny. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's interesting about a suitable boy. I really should revisit it. Cause I almost felt a little Goldilocks. See, to me, it was just kind of like too hard to see exactly this, this food is too hot. This food is too cold. Right. And it's just like, oh God, I, yeah. I'm I'm I might have to look at it again. I'm curious to know whether or not I would change my opinion. I don't see. Maybe I'm going to be slightly biased now.
Speaker 1 00:32:09 Yeah. I feel like I, I should reread it before I watched the series came out. Yeah. I am actually excited about it. Yeah. Well I hope it comes. I'm hoping it comes out, living in Canada. Good God. Like I feel like we don't get anything it's supposed to come out on Netflix. I think maybe next year, at least Netflix, please bring it into Canada to Canada at the same time that you bring it into the U S that would be very nice. Gosh. So I guess I'm just going back to Americans in bed, like w which couple was your least favorite?
Speaker 1 00:32:56 That's an interesting question. To be honest, like polyamory guy really pissed me off. Like I was just like, you know, you're a hot couple, very, very hot couple, but like, I was just like, I think it was just like, it just got kind of disrespectful, you know, like she set her boundaries. She said like, you know, I'm monogamous. I don't, you know, I don't, this is my line. And then like, he just blows right past the line. I mean, I'm kind of annoyed that she allowed him to blow past the line and she kind of blew her own line. But anyway, like, yeah, I wasn't very keen on that couple either. I think just watching it, I was just, I felt a range going through that couple because I was like, but to your point, it was the same thing, like where I'm like, oh my God, she's so cute. And she's so sweet. And you know, she's just sort of spit.
Speaker 1 00:33:56 I know. Oh, you know, I was thinking, you know, there's a, um, that creative couple, the one that had the fight on. Oh yeah. And you know how, like she was into polyamory. I was like, get together with her, but two hours together that would work. Right. It's about having the same values, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I am talking facetiously that like, these are characters. I understand the real people. They have their own lives. This is all kind of tongue in cheek. But anyway, I know, listen, no disrespect intended. Exactly. Um, we're just, I guess, two ordinary people reacting to something we just saw on TV. Um, yeah, no, I, I, I feel like, I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm still processing all of those, all the relationships. Yeah. Cause I think I was just like, you know, like there were elements of like where you saw where I saw at least, you know, ways that I've reacted and I'm like, oh my God, like this is so cringe-worthy because I probably have done that. Not probably I have, I thought that at least, you know, at the very, the very best situation, you know, I mean now I feel speaking of, you know, not, um, to just off coming into your own, like now I feel like I would actually be able to handle those kinds of situations a lot better than I would have.
Speaker 1 00:35:29 That's true. Yeah. No, I agree. Because I feel like, I feel like it's interesting that you're saying that because I feel like now after having had like, after having been in relationships, like several relationships, like I feel that I've learned to recognize the bad behavior upfront. Yeah. So I feel like, like when you're watching these couples, you can kind of see like hints of your old relationships and you just know kind of how they're going to end. And you're just like, oh, please like just go down this road. This is not going to end well. Exactly. Yeah. And I, and I, it's interesting that I, at least I see the growth in myself with regard to that. I mean, hallelujah, that's not saying anything. I mean, there was a, yeah. Like I think that is actually saying something like, I feel that's, we should celebrate that because just the fact that think about it, right.
Speaker 1 00:36:25 Like some of those relationships were so toxic for us. Right. Like some of them are like, eh, you know, I'm glad like, or indifferent, but then some of those were, you know, toxic, like, you know, you've had them, I've had them and you're like, this is not bringing the best out in me. It's making me react in a way that's probably not true to how I am and definitely not how I want to be and how I want to feel. So I think that that is like, we've come a long way since then. So yeah, actually in, in that sense, it was an interesting documentary to watch because it really, it allows you to kind of assess your own growth over time, like with regard to like how you process relationships and how you process kind of the, the day to day and the intimacy of the mall, you know?
Speaker 1 00:37:19 Yeah. I mean, I'm still figuring some of those things out, but I have to admit that as I was watching those, I was like, okay, now this one is not right. And this one's wall or this one's not going to work. And I feel like, you know, like just recently I've been noticing just how much quicker I am to sort of apply what you've learned, what I've learned, where I'm like, here's what I'm looking for. Here's what I need. You're not meeting that need and sort of, what do we do about it? You know, kind of having those conversations early. Exactly. No, that's true. Yeah. No, it's true. Cause like, um, cause I, before I met my current boyfriend, like, you know, online dating, being what it is like, you can, you can go through a lot of, you can go on a lot of dates.
Speaker 1 00:38:08 Right. And it's funny because, um, I think when I was younger I probably would have given the guy a chance, oh, he said this red flag, but I can work on that or we can work on that or whatever. He didn't mean it. Yeah, exactly. But like, I think now, um, you know, after the experience you have, you kind of, you're, you're willing to see those red flags for what they are and you cut. Like I cut things off at the right away, you know? And so, um, I think it's just, yeah, that's a good function of aging, right? Like I think it's, it's a function of just living life and just getting that experience. I mean, having said that if there are people out there who actually figured this shit out way before we did, you know, you're like in college and you're like, oh yeah, what? I figured it out. I picked the right person from the get go, congratulations. I must say, good job. Good on you. Um, I wish I could do that, but clearly that ship has sailed, but you still have like 40 plus years in which to, you know, figure this stuff out.
Speaker 1 00:39:17 That's what I would have liked to have seen is I would have liked to have seen like an older couple kind of like, I'm the one, that's the ones that were in the, in the retirement home or whatever they were so cute. Yeah. Like I would've liked to have seen an older couple that had gotten married, like really late in life. Like these ones had been married for 71 years, but I would've liked to have seen like, like people who've maybe like met when they were in their like mid sixties and kind of like talk, talk through that. Like that would have been interesting to me. Yeah. But I guess the scope of it, like they really did try to be as diverse as they like, you know, I mean, it was like, what an hour and 10 minutes, 20 minutes. It was a very short documentary. Like really like, yeah. Like, yeah, it's just a fun, it's a fun watch. Yeah. It's a fun to watch. I'm just laughing because I'm like, oh my God. Like just the way we were viscerally reacting to the character characters to the bulls balls, to the couples, shouldn't call the characters because they're real people, like you said. Yeah. I know. And like kudos to them for letting people into their lives like that. Like that that's true. Bravery. I mean like, goodness. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe that also comes with age that courage
