Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Hi, and welcome to does this make me local, a podcast about aging as gracefully as possible when you're just not ready for two 40 something year old friends will find themselves kind of straddling that really odd period of time when aging and everything that is associated with is starting to become a much bigger part of our lives. We're definitely curious, but at the same time, rather terrified about aging. I'm Schiff. I'm a health science nerd and pop culture themes, and I'm sin and adult and weighting obsessed with finance and self-help books. We're going to be talking about the stereotypes of aging and how they affect us. And we'll also be doing some deeper dives into some interesting topics, such as what it's like to get old in the society dating when you're older and scientific advancements in anti-aging products and even evolution and scientific thinking around aging and throughout it all we chat rant laugh about or adulting mishaps of which there are so, so, so many. So join us as we navigate our second quarter-life crisis.
Speaker 0 00:01:08 Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of does this make me look old? It's a very special episode for us because it's episode 20 and we actually have, um, guests on our show for the very first time. Um, so Schiff, do you want it to introduce our guests today? Yes, of course. Um, so it is a very special episode because this week we have Sean and Alicia, um, we're two very good friends of ours, um, who we invited to discuss age gaps in relationships. So, um, on that note, um, I guess Sean and Alicia, did you want to introduce yourself to the audience and also, um, yeah, in, in, in that maybe you could like let us know your ages, just so we know exactly what the gap is and yeah, we're going to talk to you a little bit about, um, how, how that's been for you and, and, uh, yeah, I, I'm very curious to learn from you guys and get to hear what your experience. Yeah. So
Speaker 1 00:02:15 My husband, Sean, uh, we've been together whenever anybody asks us this question, we can never get the math. Right. And we just go, I don't know, how long have we been together? Five years, six years. We never get the number. Right. It's
Speaker 2 00:02:29 2014 or 15 new year's Eve. Wow.
Speaker 1 00:02:39 Yeah. And we've been married since 20, 20, 19. Um, we have a, what is it? A 14 year age gap. Yep. You probably wouldn't be able to know it as we go through this conversation. Um, you know, I'm originally from Montreal and have in Toronto since 1978. Wow.
Speaker 2 00:03:05 And I grew up in Grimsby, which is like near Hamilton. Okay. So it's about an hour from Toronto and I moved here in my 23, I think 24. Wow.
Speaker 0 00:03:15 Yep. And, um, just for our audience. So who's the older one here. Oh, that'd be me. It is me. I have to say though, the 14 years always throws me because it's just, I think just both of you are just so in sync with each other, that to me, the 14 year old, when I hear 14 years, I'm like, really, are you sure? You know? And it's just a really, like, it always throws me every time you say that
Speaker 2 00:03:52 Alicia is super immature, so it makes us, and I just,
Speaker 1 00:03:56 I just looked super young for my age that I don't look my age. Right. And I'm not embarrassed to say, you know, I'm over 50. Uh, you know, and, and even that being over 50, when you, when you look at us together, you couldn't really tell who's older. Even when, when you, when we're in a conversation, you still can't tell who's older, which kind of just, you know, myth bust this whole theory that it's either visible or it's obvious. Right. And maybe for other couples, it is. But for us, it's not,
Speaker 2 00:04:41 Uh, when I first met Alicia and she told me her age, I was shocked because I thought I was 34 at the time 33. And, uh, I thought she was late thirties, early forties tops. Oh, it was funny
Speaker 1 00:04:54 When he asked me how old I was, which begs the question. And I think you covered this in one of your previous podcasts. Do you ask someone, do you ask a woman how old she is? Right. And I've always been proud of saying how old I am. And so he would ask me, so how old are you exactly? 34. I'm like, uh, Nope. Hire 35. Nope. Hire. And I go, keep going, keep going. Right. And then he's like, you're over 40. I don't want, I want to go, but keep going. I was shocked to be honest. And we met through a mutual friend of ours. Um, and we met at a, at a friend's new year's party, a friend that we all know Kiki. And it just so happened that, you know, Sean was there by himself. I was there by myself, but my, you know, I've known Sean, but always, you know, from a distance, always thought, you know, what a genuine person, so kind, so warm, always smiling, uh, you know, funny, always fun to be around. And when he came by himself, I said, you came to a new year's party by yourself. Me. I had a reason. I was just around the block. So of course I'm going to come so that I don't have to deal with getting a cab on new year's. And I said to him, well, you know, there are lots of great people here at this party. If you want me to be your wing, man, I'll be your wing, man.
Speaker 0 00:06:31 Wait, you offered to be his wing man for the party. You know, that that's inevitable. But of course, you know, the wing man and the, you know, the protagonist are gonna fall in love. Right. When you said all the Korean dramas I watch are made up, oh, I don't know. You watch Korean dramas or are you kidding, Sean? How long have we been friends? I need to know this. She was watching one just before we recorded there. I just hear voices. I hear, you know, like Asian voices and language. And I'm like, yes, I'm watching one of my dramas because my video hadn't come up. And I was just like, uh, have I just accidentally logged onto somebody else's extreme?
Speaker 1 00:07:46 This is fascinating. It's Amica is really good at picking up the language
Speaker 0 00:07:51 Quite a bit. Over 300 of them though. It would be embarrassing if I hadn't picked up some of the phrases, I follow this, a good K drama dancer. Who's like 40 plus. And you could not tell that he's 40 plus. And it's like, you can see all the comments, like, are you sure? Are you not lying? And, and I think it's the, you know, the, the, the, the genes, you know, it's like Alicia, no one would actually think she is over 40. Uh, or like maybe 42. Like, you know, if we're like really being like stretched off. So, so yeah, I agree. I have a question for you, Sean. So when, when you asked her age and she kept telling you to like, raise the bar, like what was going through your head whenever you, whenever
Speaker 2 00:08:46 You guess a woman's age? Well, what are your real guesses? You got to go down a few just in case you're wrong. I've, I've learned this now we have the T. So if you think someone's 40, it'd be like, all right, I think you're 36, 37. Um, but so I thought maybe she was late thirties, early forties. So I, I don't think I started at 35, but because that was my age at the time, I knew you were a little bit older than me, but I just didn't know how much when you kept going up. I was like, oh, really? I was shocked. I was generally shocked. Cool.
Speaker 0 00:09:21 And what about you, Alicia? Did you know how old he was? And were you surprised?
Speaker 1 00:09:28 I think because he was friends with mutual friends who were around that age range. I had a sense that, that he was within that age range and you know, that didn't deter me. I think prior to that, you know, I had dated, you know, as young as 27. Right. So, you know, for me, uh, someone who was younger didn't really matter. It was just, you know, what level of maturity are they, are they do we get along? Do we connect? And so for, for me, you know, his age at that time, when, when we met, um, really didn't phase me, it didn't bother me.
Speaker 0 00:10:09 So, yeah. So can you tell us, like, what happened afterwards? Like, so Sean, I guess this didn't deter, you obviously like the age gap at all. Um, it did a little bit, to be honest. Yeah. Cause
Speaker 2 00:10:24 We were just casual for the first couple of months and I guess I never thought, um, I've totally said this before, so it's nothing new, but her, but, but in my head I was thinking, what would my friends think? What my family think we dating someone so much older. Cause I, I always imagined myself as someone younger or within a couple of years of myself. Like, so yeah. And so at least threw me for a loop and it did take me a little while. Like, like I'm talking about weeks, maybe a month to like get over that. So it, to be honest, it did take me a little bit to get over it. So
Speaker 0 00:10:59 What did you think your friends and family would say?
Speaker 2 00:11:05 I don't know. Like I I've been single for a long time before I met her. And, um, I, it was a lot of new like, like when I first asked her out. So this would be, this was a March, this is three months after new years or two and a half months. And in my head I was just like, oh God, are they gonna make fun of me behind my back? Or are they going to be like, like why, why is he dating someone older? Like, I don't know. I, I was getting a, uh, anxious about it, but, but luckily when they met her, everything went swimmingly. I was even in England, um, in June that year and my friends asked if they could invite Alicia out to when they were in Toronto to go for drinks and it went great as far as I know, and, and, and my parents loved her immediately. So that was like, I was like, I don't really know anybody who dates. Who's dated this big of an age gap. Right. I mean, I work with somebody who's a 20 year gap.
Speaker 0 00:12:03 I mean, that is a big deal. Right? Like it's, it's important. Um, for, you know, for that, like that significant other to be accepted in the family. Um, it, it just makes things easier. Right. So I'm sure that that, like once that hurdle was cleared, it just makes, it just makes life easier. You know? Like you can just read a little bit, like, can breathe a little bit of a sigh of relief. What about you Alicia? Like w where you're like, was your FA your friend group, your families, like, did they, did, they were like, oh my gosh, you're dating somebody so young.
Speaker 1 00:12:33 I think it's going to sound funny. But I think because they knew I was dating guys that were younger, that it wasn't necessarily, um, but yeah, same as Sean story when they met Sean, you know, they just automatically, you know, gravitate it to his personality and they were so drawn in. They could see why, um, you know, we wanted to be together. And with my family, I actually introduced Shawn to my family and Montreal first, they're kind of like my litmus test. If you pass this step, you'll be fine, you know, everyone else. And so I introduced him first to my, to my family and Montreal, and they loved him. Right. They just, you know, he fit in so well. And, you know, there was so much laughter lots of wine, lots of, you know, cheese or crude or, you know, how we entertain right.
Speaker 1 00:13:32 With, with our family and, you know, everybody just hit it off. I know that, you know, when Sean was initially thinking, you know, in the early stages while this is a huge age difference, how are my family and friends gonna feel? I think for me, I was trying to balance how emotionally invested I was getting into the relationship or did I want to get into a relationship for the fear that I'm really starting to have feelings, but maybe I should just protect myself a little bit because he's younger. This might not be something that he want to do for the long haul or, or, you know, date for a very long time. So it was a little bit of a balance of, of my emotions, I think, in the beginning. Um, because I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to broach the question, you know, I was just kind of prepared to just go with the flow and then just see what happens. And ultimately it was actually Sean that, that, you know, said, you know, we should be boyfriend girlfriend and you know, how do you feel about that? And I was like, I was like, okay, sweet I'm game for that. But I was always preparing in the back of my mind that if that wasn't going to be, you know, the outcome that I have to prepare myself to be okay with that, wow, that's actually
Speaker 0 00:14:52 Pretty serious. Like I, you know, like, I, I guess that's a very realistic thought process, but wow. Like it, it really is like a romcom, I'm sorry, I'm just rewriting this
Speaker 1 00:15:08 Through my head was, and this was before we had the conversation and probably before I started to have real feelings was, you know, he's younger. Does he want to have kids? Because, you know, for me, I was already past that point. Um, you know what, that was a plus for me, w you know, neither of us want kids, you know, and I was just thinking about that. And, um, you know, luckily we had that conversation, you know, he did ask me, you know, would you ever want to get married one day? And I think maybe at that stage, I wasn't sure, you know, cause I had been married before. Um, and I wasn't sure. And so I just wanted to kind of be present and just enjoy the relationship without thinking too far ahead. Um, because I felt like if I went too far ahead or thought too far ahead, then I'd be thinking about the future and not, you know, participating in the current, that's
Speaker 0 00:16:06 A really mature way of life dealing with things.
Speaker 3 00:16:11 I don't
Speaker 0 00:16:11 Know that I would have been that mature looking
Speaker 2 00:16:15 Back five, five, six years ago. So we could be like putting rose colored glasses on it. No, I don't think so. No, it wasn't that that long ago
Speaker 0 00:16:27 It makes it seem like 10 years. It brings us to, uh, you know, like we actually just wanted to know about this. So as you're getting to know each other, right. And, and you've navigated like, you know, how your friends and family, uh, may react and, and all of that, but what about society in general? Like, ha so as I was preparing for this episode, I actually looked up some stats and it turns out that 8% of Western couples, um, uh, and, and, um, apparently in one of the articles that I was reading 8% are, have a large age gap of couples that's 10 years or more. And that's how they defined it. And off that only 1% is woman older, younger man. So it's so I know. And so the thought you guys are basically, Shawn's a trailblazer. I was to say, you guys are part of the elite,
Speaker 2 00:17:35 The 1% and how many of that 1% is I'm a woman of color and white guy.
Speaker 0 00:17:46 Um, it didn't actually delve into further demographics there, but, um, what, what is interesting is though, you know, just how rare it seems to be, you know, in society. So I'm curious, did you ever feel it from outside the circle aside? I, or even admiration whichever way, you know, it doesn't have to be negative, but like, did you ever feel that people looked at you different or judged you for it? Yeah. Like any kind of, but yeah, you know, for me, I never
Speaker 1 00:18:19 Felt any side-eye. I never felt if there was, um, uh, any kind of perception and maybe it goes back to, um, when you see us together, I don't necessarily look that much older than Shawn does. Right. And maybe that's why from the outside, you know, maybe when, you know, we're out for dinner and you know, it's time to pick the wine. And sometimes they'll naturally kind of go to Sean, like if we're going to a restaurant where they don't, where they don't know, or they don't know us. Cause we like to frequent restaurants that, you know, they're our favorites, you know, they'd give the wireless to Sean and Sean will go, oh no, it's it's over to her. Or if the bill would come, you know, give it to him and it's like, no, no, it's her. Right. And
Speaker 2 00:19:15 So there's, there's almost
Speaker 1 00:19:17 That, that, I don't know if it's a double standard, but it was always just naturally over to Sean. Um, I think what I would get more of, and this is probably from my, um, network of friends, I don't know if the word is admiration, but it's more of encouragement. Right. And just kind of like supportive to say, you go for it. You know? And, and you know, when we would talk about how will John is, I think when they meet him, they under the, when they met him, they understood. And it was just really supportive and it's like, you go and good for you. That kind of thing. If they didn't know him and they just said, oh, so you're dating someone. How old is he? And I would say, I don't remember. How old were you at the time, Sean, when we started dating 35, did you say
Speaker 2 00:20:08 It must be 30 to see we're not so good at this math. Right. I'm not in trouble. It's fine.
Speaker 1 00:20:18 Right. So when I would say that, so if I were to say to someone, yeah, I'm dating someone, who's 32, there's a very different reaction from women as opposed to guys. So my guy friends would be like, oh right. And then my female friends would be like cheering. And so, you know, there's a very different reaction there. Um, or I would get high fives. Right. Because it felt like you you're, you're like, um, you're leading the charge for older women that it's possible for older women to date younger guys. It happens, you know, we see it in, you know, like those romcoms or those, you know, reality shows real Housewives or something like that. Um, but that's, that's been my experience. So it has never been negative, uh, at any point from, from our perspective or at least from my perspective. Yeah. What do you think, Sean? Wow, that's great.
Speaker 2 00:21:20 I may have had the odd joke from a friend, but, but nothing like, um, yeah, it's been, I, I can't think of any examples, so it's not, it's not been a factor,
Speaker 1 00:21:30 Like, has anybody ever said, oh, like, she's your sugar mama? Or like, you know,
Speaker 2 00:21:36 I've gotten mad, but that's because you make more money than I do. Like where we live is really nice compared to the places I used to live. It's a little bit different. So yes, I've definitely got sugar mama jokes,
Speaker 1 00:21:55 You know, as much as there were, you know, ages to come together and then, you know, me, meaning Sean's friends and Sean meeting my friends, there was also kind of like an adjustment in terms of where we would go, what we would do. So in some cases, you know, if it weren't for Sean, I wouldn't be introduced to board games. I wouldn't be kind of like, uh, you know, watching as much star wars as I, as I did. Right. Like I think right now I'm wearing a Darth Vader hoodie. Right? No. Right. And so, I mean, there's more to it than that, but I mean, you know, Shaun's hobbies and activities. Like we don't share all the same hobbies and activities, but there are things that I've done or that I enjoy doing as a result of being around Sean and his friends. And then Sean, you can talk about, you know, what you've been exposed to and what you now do as a result of, you know, our friends, my friends I've been exposed to much better food. My wine world's completely changed.
Speaker 2 00:23:16 I used to go to the wine rack and just get the cheapest biggest bottle. And it was like $9. And it was like, this is the last thing of the night. Like I can't even be lying.
Speaker 1 00:23:26 Remember I'm not going to name the name, but you came over, you brought over a bottle of wine and I looked
Speaker 2 00:23:31 It up. This is a nicer bottle. I thought it was nice. I was like, oh, she's going to be impressed. We can't name it. I was like, oh, she's going to like this. You had one sip and put it back in the fridge and open up another bottle. <inaudible> I've never touched it again. Let's open this one, this one's already cold.
Speaker 0 00:24:09 So that's what the extra, the extra few years gives you the way to diplomatically my wine. Bullshit.
Speaker 2 00:24:21 I'm not drinking this, I'm having a bad hangover tomorrow.
Speaker 1 00:24:24 I lived alone. I had, you know, I had a condo downtown and you know, Sean live with roommates, you know? So that's also a different dynamic, you know? And so he'd be like, you know, you want to come over here and all that stuff. I was like, eh, actually, you know, I'm good with, like, if we just go over to my place, you know, that kind of thing, you know, there's all those kinds of adjustments that just have to do with being at different stages in your life or in your career. And you know what you're where you're at.
Speaker 2 00:24:55 Yeah. You own a condo. And I was paying 700 bucks in rent and sharing with two, two roommates at college. That's definitely a different stage. Yeah. Way different
Speaker 1 00:25:12 Phase me. Do you know what I mean? Like it wasn't like maybe what I was, you know, out of university, you know, and working full time, I had this vision right. Of what that ideal person would be or where that person needed to be in their life. Um, you know, but been there, done that and that isn't always the right, you know, link for you or the right match for you. And you know, what I learned is what is really important in your life and what is really important for a long lasting relationship. And it was less about what you do, what you earn, where you live and it's more about who you are. And so if there's anything that I learned, uh, you know, going into, um, you know, our relationship, it was really to focus in on what did I actually want and what was really important to me. Right. And not to mention Sean's super cute. Right. So
Speaker 0 00:26:10 A hundred percent, although can I just make a quick joke here because we've known for a little while now. And he is the youngest, one of, among us right now. And, uh, the four of us, the four of us, and he's the only one with an Hotmail email account. It's awesome.
Speaker 3 00:26:32 My dad has a sabbatical.
Speaker 2 00:26:34 I'm just, I mean, I do have a Gmail, but I just don't use it. I've had my Hotmail since high school or so. Yeah. I just, everyone knows it and I, I, I just don't want, I'm just lazy. That was so full band.
Speaker 0 00:26:53 I was like, you're like, oh yeah, it's male. Cause I literally thought it was a title. I was like,
Speaker 2 00:27:05 It's terrible. Like it's an awful, like I I'll probably switch to Gmail as soon as like I have two Gmail accounts. I just, I'm pretty sure he
Speaker 0 00:27:20 Just forget the noise from the haters. It's fine.
Speaker 3 00:27:23 You don't have to switch over
Speaker 0 00:27:31 If you remember any of your passwords for your social media accounts, do you know? I remember them. I just don't care to bother activating. No, no, no. What happened was it needs two step authentication and it went to a U S number. And so I was just like, yeah, I think that's a sign to me.
Speaker 1 00:27:59 Let me ask you a question. So when you see right, an older woman and a younger man together, what goes through in your mind? Well,
Speaker 0 00:28:08 I mean, yeah. Well, I mean, for me, I'm, I'm dating somebody who's younger than me, so it doesn't really phase me. And usually I'm kind of like, you go girl, do the same reaction that I did when you first told me that Sean was younger. And I was like, oh my God, good for you for you girl. Good for you.
Speaker 1 00:28:37 I'm not quite sure. I'm not sure if my dad really knows our age difference still. Oh really? Oh, wow.
Speaker 0 00:28:50 You know what your dad says, your dad's like, well, he has a Hotmail account. So you know,
Speaker 2 00:29:03 Her dad does send me stuff on Facebook sometimes.
Speaker 1 00:29:06 Oh my gosh. He goes, your Facebook buddies. That's hilarious. I would
Speaker 2 00:29:10 Show you cause it's rare. But then it would be those be an emoji. That's all I get. That's all I get. The man said maybe 200 words to me ever.
Speaker 3 00:29:19 And not because
Speaker 1 00:29:20 It's you just because he's just not a very communicative talkative person, but it's funny, you know, when you talk about, you know, my dad and if I even think about your parents, when I met your parents, like, I love your parents. They're great. Like your family is great. Um, but it was in the back of my mind, I was thinking, okay, so there's much age difference between Sean and I, and there's this much age difference between me and his parents and it's not that far off. Right. And it's like,
Speaker 2 00:29:50 I was, I think it's about
Speaker 1 00:29:55 Right. So then I was just like, oh, okay. Which 1:00 AM I worried about most? Right. So I wanted to make sure that they felt comfortable. Um, and that, you know, it wasn't an issue for them. And you know, we joke about it sometimes and it doesn't even phase them, you know, for them. I think they just see me as you know, they've gained a daughter. Yep.
Speaker 0 00:30:19 Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Supposed to be. Yeah. That's so cool. They love her. Thanks for asking that question Leisha about what we thought for us. Because as I was answering, I realized that, you know, I do have a double standard, but it's the other way. And had it been, um, an older guy with a 15 year old or 14 year difference from the girl I would have been like, you know, if you know, like what the heck I'd probably side-eye that a little bit because, um,
Speaker 2 00:30:52 I don't know. I'm just conditioned.
Speaker 0 00:30:54 I'm just conditioned to not look favorably on this older man. Younger woman, trope is not funny, like was my interest bias because I have a friend from, um, undergrad and co God, if you're listening, um, you know, who I'm talking about, but it's like when we went in first year, you know, his girlfriend was the same age as, uh, you know, all of us. Um, and then, you know, when, by the time we were graduating, the, his girlfriend at the time was 19, no 21. And then when he was 25, his girlfriend was 19. And then every time whoever he was dating, they stayed in the 19 to 21 range while we kept creeping towards the thirties and then thirties, early thirties. And it was like, dude, what the heck? Like stop snatching girls off the cradle. Right. And the kind of jokes we'd all make like, and he'd be like, yeah, I know.
Speaker 0 00:31:59 Like, and, and, you know, and, and ironically, he's now married happily. Um, you know, and, and, uh, he has, uh, on his wife's like, I think five or six years older than he is. Um, so it was like, you know, a string of younger, you know, increasingly younger girlfriends. And then all of a sudden it's like a 180. So anyway, but my bias is towards like, you know, when I hear an older woman, younger man, I'm like way to go and older men, younger woman, I'm like, and so what's so funny. It's like he channeling Leonardo DiCaprio or something, anybody over this age and she's gotta be a model
Speaker 1 00:32:46 It's so weird because it's almost like, you know, an older woman younger, man, it kind of a, is a, is it a symbol of that's attainable when you see somebody, you know, uh, of that age range versus when you see an older man and a younger woman, do we, do we have a perception of it because we, we have, uh, in our minds, some kind of narrative about what that relationship is all about. Right. Is it, does it have different intentions or a different agenda versus an older woman and a younger man. Right. And it's, it's just weird how there are different perceptions of what that is. I think if you see, there's also kind of like how the physical aspect of it could also lend to your perception of it. Right. And so would a younger man be perceived any less of someone I hate to use this term, but as a gold Digger versus, you know, a younger woman isn't viewed in the same way, I don't think it is.
Speaker 1 00:33:53 Right. I, I think that there's part of it is either society or it's what we see in, you know, movies, reality shows TV. But I think that there's just a different set of maybe perceptions and optics when it's, you know, an older woman, younger man, like what you would see in a soap opera, it always makes it sound like the younger man's a gigolo or, you know, as an escort or something like that. When, you know, when you think about yeah. When you think about an authentic relationship, you know, that's, that's not the case. I think everything, every situation is different. Right. But, but I do agree with you there is that, you know, when you go to your tribe of women, female friends, there's that automatic high-five and you go and, you know, it's that encouragement because it, it makes it feel like, you know, what if you're, you know, 35 now, 40, now it isn't impossible. Right? It's all about who you meet, where regardless of what age they are. Exactly.
Speaker 3 00:34:59 I think it's, I think it's the narrative
Speaker 0 00:35:01 Of like how older women are perceived. Right. Because like, I think just over the years, everyone just assumes that because I mean, really like over the years, the, the only current like, or like the main currency that a woman has had has been her, her looks right. Her appearance. And so then, um, and I think that that narrative is changing because, you know, like, as women have become more educated and are like in the workforce, like obviously there's more that they can offer society besides their appearance. Right. But like when it comes to relationships, I think that's where, um, I don't, yeah. I'm not sure if we've moved past it at this point or not, but it's still, there's still this perception that if you're a woman, a middle aged woman, like somewhere in between like 35, 55, like, you're kind of like, you've kind of like, got like, gotten to your expire date and like really the chances of you being able to like, quote, snag another man, like snag a man are like so much lower. Right. Where like, and I think that, um, which I don't think is true, like, like people, yeah. Like there's no, there is no sell by date. There's no expiry date. You what you have to offer to, um, another person as a partner. Like it's much more than just the physical. Right. So, yeah. Um, yeah. So I think, I think that that's where like the age differences in the age gaps, like I don't, I don't know that they matter as much anymore. Right. Like,
Speaker 1 00:36:30 And I think, you know, Sean would, would probably echo these comments, but my age, but when you look at my sense of humor, sometimes it's silly. You know, when we're,
Speaker 3 00:36:45 I love
Speaker 1 00:36:45 It laugh at, you know, maybe the stupidest jokes on when we're watching a comedy. The thing that maybe not everybody laughs at, I laugh at the most. Um, but you know, there's, um, I don't know if it's temperament, but there are things that when I, when I'm at home that Sean would probably say like, you're so silly or, you know, like you're not 50 plus like you're 12. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:37:20 I just, today made me think we were watching a David Attenborough thing on Netflix and there was a red frog, uh, doing its meeting calls and we'll move this off really big and made this really funny sound. And then Alicia just lost it. And I was like, this is awesome. I heard it's time. I didn't find the frog thing funny around her laughing.
Speaker 3 00:37:42 That's so funny. It was great classical.
Speaker 0 00:37:49 I think like, I mean, like, you're like, you're obviously kind of outnumbered here. It's like one guy I'm always around women. I'm curious to know what's the male perspective on that? Like, like, you know, like, this is kind of what I like. These are my thoughts on like, what it feels like to be like dating as an older woman, but like how, like, what are your perceptions as a, as a male? Like, what's it like for guys? And do you think that, like, do you think that it's possible that people could potentially look, look, look askance at like your relationship because you know, you weren't able to like snag like a, you know, 20 year old, like infant. Um, I don't know if anyone
Speaker 2 00:38:31 Would look askance at us, but I I'm guessing like, uh, guys my age, like all my guy friends, I don't think any I'm thinking. I don't think any of them are dating anyone older or married to anybody older. Okay. Every single one of them is dating somebody younger think. And I, I, I don't know. I don't think anyone would look down on us for doing it, but if you're single, it might not be your ideal situ like, like from the guy's point of view, it might not be what you're hoping for. Does that make sense? Uh, like I know when I was single, I was not like w when I set my dating profile on, I dunno, a match. I can't remember. <inaudible>
Speaker 0 00:39:16 Can put the age
Speaker 2 00:39:17 Maybe two years above mine. Oh, interesting. Two or three tops. So, wow. I, I think from the guy's point of view, you don't look to date older women, which I think it's just a societal thing.
Speaker 0 00:39:30 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's no, like, like, I don't mean to call you out on this or call all men out on this. It's just, it's just, uh, yeah. I just kind of wanted that perspective because like, I think it is, it is something that I would notice, like among like, uh, like among men, it's just like, you know, you don't like their, their age ranges are actually like fairly narrow, right? Yeah. Like, I mean, the kids, even with my partner, like we met, we met on, um, on an app, like a, um, dating app or whatever. And like, it's, this is funny. So I'm going to be disclosing something, but like, so, so like, obviously I am not tech savvy. And the thing is, is like, because I didn't, because you all know, like I lost my pre Facebook profile because of this entire, like two factor authentication thing.
Speaker 0 00:40:21 So this app, like, it, it linked to your Facebook profile and would pull information from it in order to like populate it. Right. Because I had, yeah. So, which is kind of creepy, but you know, this is the age we live in. So then, um, so then, but because I didn't have a Facebook profile for it to actually like pull from it, just set it set my age as a default. So even though at the time I was 38, 39, it's set my age to 30. And the thing is, and like, I mean, like, I mean now obviously like you can see all my white hair, but like back then pre pandemic, like, you know, I would dye it and you couldn't actually tell how old I was. Like, he could, I could span several age ranges. And so like, so when I met my now partner, he thought I was 30. Like, and then I think as I was talking, it came out that I wasn't. And then, then I was like, oh yeah, I'm so sorry. Like on my profile, it says I'm 30, but it's like, it just defaults to that. And so like, and, but like, he actually didn't care, but like, I'm just, I'm sure. I'm sure other guys that I was dating at the time probably did, was just like, what the hell? <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:41:43 When I met you. I also like, even both of you, I thought you guys are so young. Right. And you know, when you told me how old you were, I was like, what? No. Right. Um, but, and see, you know, how you met your partner through an app, how Sean and I met was just through friends and it's not like they were trying to set us up. We just happened to be at an event where, you know, mutual friends had, had invited us. And so, you know, we didn't have that whole aspect of, you know, age range or, or anything like that. Like all that dating app was wasn't there. And you almost had felt a little bit more comfortable because you knew that you had mutual friends who, you know, knew each other. Right. So it's like, you can get, you can get the deets right.
Speaker 1 00:42:44 From your friends. Like, what's the story, right. Is he single how many long-term relationships as he had, you know, that kind of thing. Right. And I'm probably, am I the longest relationship that you had Sean? Oh yeah. So there's another aspect, right? So you think about age difference, but now you're also thinking about how age difference factors into relationship experience, right. And how much relationship experience did we both bring into our own? And so there was a probably, you know, some, some learning on both our sides. One is me recognizing that John hadn't been in many long-term relationships and, you know, vice versa, Sean, and realizing that, you know, I probably had a little bit more experience and a lot of learnings from my previous.
Speaker 2 00:43:39 Yeah. I basically zero experience. I was barely an adult. When you started dating me
Speaker 0 00:43:48 Age wise, I didn't need, like, I know like the one thing I do have to say though, is that I think that when we got, when people get all caught up in like these age requirements, like you're missing out on people. And I think that like in the, in this whole dating app craze, like, it may, like, it may be who've people to just like extend the range is a little, because like, so like, yeah. So from our partner, he never would have met me because I think his age range had like maxed at 35. So like, I would have, if, if my, if it was able to mind my Facebook profile, like it would like, I would have just been filtered out, you know? So
Speaker 2 00:44:41 Yeah. I never would have met Alicia on dating sites even just of the age. Our likes and dislikes are different. Yeah. On paper. We're not, we're not compatible, but in person we're very compatible. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:44:56 You guys navigate that. Like, do you sometimes like talk to one another you're in like, talking about, I dunno, like music or TV shows and you're like, boy,
Speaker 1 00:45:07 There's one that comes to mind. And now that baseball season, you know, is, is in full swing. I remember one time asking Sean, you know, where were you when the blue Jays won the world series? Right. And I'm like, I was in a bar with my friends and Sean's like, I was home and I was Ted. I was like, that's great. Or if I talk about certain shows, you know, Sean's like, I don't know what that is. Right. Well, what is that? I don't, or like ease music. I mean, you do like eighties music, but if I talk about a band, um, yeah. You'd be like, I don't know that song. Right. And so, yeah, like I think that's, what's makes it healthy. We have our own interests. Um, and, and where we come together, where it's calm and there isn't necessarily that, that range, like, think about the friends reunion is happening next week. Right. I can't wait. That's, that's going to be coming out. And it's like, did you watch friends, Sean?
Speaker 2 00:46:18 Yeah. Kinda a lot of my friends at the time. Love, love, love for, I, I was, I dunno, Seinfeld and friends I never got into,
Speaker 0 00:46:26 Oh, I thought you were going to say you're a Seinfeld person
Speaker 2 00:46:29 Either. I don't know. It was like, I watched a lot of star Trek or that time I don't watch a lot of star Trek when I watch you can make fun of it. And I do find that funny. So are you going to be watching the friends reunion? Oh, oh, I really, I watched enough of it. I watched enough of it to,
Speaker 3 00:46:50 I want to see it
Speaker 0 00:46:52 Gen Z is also going to be watching that reunion. And they're going to be shocked when rents actually look like today.
Speaker 1 00:46:59 Like I think Kiki's, Kiki's niece said to her, oh, there's this really great show. Right. Have you heard about it? Right. And Kiki's like, what? Um, I was there when it first came out. Of course I know about the preeminence. Oh, back then. Right. That was must CTV. NBC Thursdays. Yeah. But yeah, there'll be instances where, whether it's a cultural reference or music or television or something like that. I think one time Sean was talking to me about some kind of cartoon or very popular cartoon. I was like, what, what is that? I don't, I don't know what that is. Right. And it's like, when was
Speaker 2 00:47:48 That Disney? I think it was Disney movies.
Speaker 1 00:47:52 Oh yeah. I don't. I have a watch.
Speaker 2 00:47:56 Um, like once when I was a kid Thai school, you have really seen little mermaid,
Speaker 1 00:48:03 All of those, all the ones that you love. And I'm just like, no, I haven't seen them. And it's like, what do you mean? You haven't seen them? And I was like, I was out. Pardon? I'm watching Disney movies, nothing against them. But yeah, it would just be things like that. But there, I mean, you know, Sean, you can talk about it. Like you love board games and you love, you know, D and D okay.
Speaker 2 00:48:31 I'm not going to force you to come with me to the theater, to watch a horror movie with me. I, I have friends for that, or I'm not going to talk to you about horror movies cause you don't care about them. And I hate them. They scare me.
Speaker 1 00:48:42 They give me nightmares. Right. It's funny. Like when John says, you know, on paper, we don't seem compatible, but in person we are. Because when we do come together for the common interests that we do have, and the things we do together, it just makes the fact that there are things that we do separately. Doesn't seem like it makes a huge, it doesn't create a divide in our relationship. I think it's healthy. I need my space sometimes. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:49:10 When I go to play video games, you love that, you know, have the couch free, you can do whatever you want. I'm going to my computer room, playing video games and I'm out of your hair.
Speaker 1 00:49:18 Well like your friends will say to you like, oh your wife's okay that you're playing. I don't know what civilization six for like six hours. And then I'd be like, yeah, go ahead, go to town. I'll see you I'll see you at dinner. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:49:37 That actually brings us, um, to, you know, words of wisdom, things that you've learnt to making, um, uh, you know, um, a relationship with an age difference, um, work, if you even need to work, because from the sounds of it, it sounds, you know, very easy. And I love that, but just any words of wisdom that you might have?
Speaker 2 00:50:01 I, I don't have any, like, I don't, I don't really see. I forget sometimes we even have the age difference to be honest that this will change as we get older. But now I don't think we get older. Well, yeah, if you're 90 and I'm, and I'm 76, this is way down the road, but 1756, maybe they will think more about it. But I, I honestly don't think about it much.
Speaker 1 00:50:36 I don't think about it, but I think what I've adjusted is, you know, communication is key. It sounds so cliche, but it is so like if there's something that, and we rarely, you know, have differences, we really fight, but it's like, if there's something that we need to talk about it, I need to talk about it like right then and there, uh, and let's address it. And, but I also recognize that the way to approach that conversation, um, you know, sometimes has to be a little bit more collaborative. Right. And just say, you know, this makes me feel like this, or when this happens, you know, I think it just made me a little bit more cognizant about how to have a conversation, um, about the relationship. And then maybe in the earlier days of our relationship, recognizing that Sean hadn't been in a lot of long-term relationships. So just keeping that in mind, um, so that it didn't feel, you know, uh, that he was being blamed or under attack or anything like that. Just how do you ease into those conversations?
Speaker 0 00:51:50 I think that those are just words of wisdom, regardless of the age gap, right? Like communication's important dilly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:51:57 My, my words of wisdom are don't care about the age gap. I
Speaker 1 00:52:12 Will make a joke. Great. Like, I'll say like, sometimes I like to make up songs, right. Just make up songs since I'm cooking or something like that. And I'll say, gosh, I hope I still make these crazy silly songs when I'm 70. Right. And so I was like, you better. Right. So it's almost like it's not to me. You know? And I think when I look at people in my family, um, you know, you see my, my aunt and my mom, they don't look their age, you know, one's over 80 and one's over 70. And you know, if I think about my aunt, she has so much energy, so much, you know, <inaudible> right. You've met, you've met her. And to me, it's like what? I hit that age. I want to be like that. Yeah. Right. She's so joyous. She's so fun. And so I think in my mind, you know, when I get to that age, that's who I want to be. Like, I want to be like her.
Speaker 0 00:53:17 Nope. That's actually really awesome because you're right. I mean, for me, I think on this conversation, that's the takeaway is that, you know, your outlook in life and how you choose to live your values and, and communicate with each other, uh that's that's, you know, the bottom line, that's what it makes our lives, you know, meaningful and, and, uh, so no, thank you. But those were really good
Speaker 1 00:53:44 And take lots of naps. I think those are wise words naps.
Speaker 0 00:54:00 All right. Well, I guess that wraps up the, a, this week's episode of doesn't make me look old. So, um, yeah. Thank you so much, Sean and Leisha for sharing your story with us. I think it's, yeah, it was really fun. I see you so infrequently now during the pandemic, it's just like, it's nice to just touch base with you almost over zoom on Wednesdays. Exactly. So, yeah, so it was nice to catch up and, and I am sure that our listeners will be really interested in, um, you know, hearing what you have to say with regard to your relationship. I think it's, uh, you know, I think it's very informative and I think it's, uh, you know, it's, it's, it's a, it's a good beacon for like other people who are thinking about, you know, like their relationships and, you know, potentially dating somebody with an age gap. Um, I'm laughing to this. I think I'll remove the age limit on my app. Honestly. I'm one of those people who have it set at like, you know, young is unlimited, you're older, you know, 14 years. Yeah. And also
Speaker 1 00:55:17 Invite like, you know, even further down, like, I remember when I was on a dating app, I get like seven year olds, 75 rounds. I'm like, wow.
Speaker 0 00:55:33 So I definitely, um, reach out to us. We're on social media. Um, so, you know, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter at, does this make me look old or you can email us at, does this make me look old? Uh, at gmail.com. Oh Sean. Yep. And until, um, you know, next week. Oh, thank you for joining us again. Bye. Yep. See you next week. Bye. Thank you.
