Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Hi, and welcome to does this make me local, a podcast about aging as gracefully as possible when you're just not ready for two 40 something year old friends will find themselves kind of straddling that really odd period of time when aging and everything that is associated with is starting to become a much bigger part of our lives. We're definitely curious, but at the same time, rather terrified about aging. I'm Schiff. I'm a health science nerd and pop culture themes, and I'm sin and adult and waiting obsessed with finance and self-help books. We're going to be talking about the stereotypes of aging and how they affect us. And we'll also be doing some deeper dives into some interesting topics, such as what it's like to get old in the society dating when you're older and scientific advancements in anti-aging products and even evolution and scientific thinking around aging and throughout it all, we chat rant, laugh about our adulting mishaps of which there are so, so, so many. So join us as we navigate our second quarter life crisis.
Speaker 1 00:01:08 Hi, welcome to this week's episode of does this make me look old? Um, so actually this week we decided to do kind of a, I don't
Speaker 2 00:01:18 Know if it's really a review of everything
Speaker 1 00:01:20 We've learned so far, but it's kind of, um, yeah, it's kind of like a check-in and to kind of bake, not even reset, but just sort of, um, reflect the ground or like reground us. Right. Um, in terms of what we want to talk about and, and what we want this podcast to be. So SIM, did you want to, um, chat a little bit about it because, uh, I think you brought it up when we were discussing, I think we should talk about this week.
Speaker 2 00:01:46 You were much more succinct than I will be, but, but yes, exactly. I think I, um, it occurred to me that, you know, we've done more than 25 episodes, um, already, and, you know, we've covered quite a lot of different topics. Um, you know, some, a little bit more in depth, some in passing, but, um, as we've been doing each episode, it made me realize that, you know, a we've learned a lot. Yeah, right. Yeah. I would agree. Um, but yeah, so I think, uh, we've learned a lot for sure, but, um, you know, it also sort of started crystallizing all the issues. I think that, you know, that we probably need to think about as we get older. And by that, what I mean is like, I think when we started, you know, for me anyway, it was more a vague concept that, gosh, I'm getting older and I need to talk it out.
Speaker 2 00:02:49 And I think, no, it's true. Um, you know, and over the last, you know, 27 weeks or so that we've been doing this, I feel it's allowed me to sort of, you know, think deeper or more deeply about some of these issues and, you know, come to, uh, some, some kind of, um, I don't know what to call it, but like some kind of a fork in the road right. Where I'm like, okay, you know, when w with issue a, how do I actually feel about it? And, you know, am I still scared? Am I not scared? Uh, maybe, you know, um, should, was I right to be worried, et cetera. Um, I think, um, so that's the reason I think I just wanted to sort of talk it out because I kind of wanted to almost revisit, like, why did we start this thing? Um, and where, um, where are we? Yeah. Where are we kind of going with this? Yeah, yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1 00:03:50 Yeah, it's funny. Cause like when you brought it up as like a potential topic, I was like, well, didn't we actually talk about that at the beginning, but I think that it's kind of like morphed over the weeks. So I think when I, when I wanted to talk about it, like when you had this idea for this like podcast, and I was like, oh my God, that's such a great idea. Cause like, I mean, I've always been stressed out about aging the years and like, so I was like, yeah, it will be this like ranty podcast about like aging. Um, and, but like, you know, we've added things about, um, you know, things that, uh, like our anxieties about it and, and, um, like,
Speaker 2 00:04:27 Like <inaudible> that I hadn't thought of, uh, like the guardianship. Yes. Yeah. That what still keeps me up at night. Yeah, for
Speaker 1 00:04:35 Sure. For sure. Yeah. So like, um, you know, so like we brought in these aspects of aging that like, I, you know, I've been happy to learn about and maybe not so happy to learn about, but like, um, yeah, I think I, when we talked about this episode, um, I was thinking actually, no, you know what? We have learned a number of things and it's kind of made me
Speaker 2 00:04:58 Like, rejig
Speaker 1 00:04:59 Exactly. Like what I'm hoping to do with this podcast lake. And like initially I was just psycho. It's going to be, you know, it's just going to be us like discussing our anxieties. But now I feel like I wouldn't mind using it as, as more of a, let me know, like, okay, don't get me wrong. I think that we should talk about our anxieties around aging because it's, um, because there, there are a number of them, you know, like I don't want to kind of blindly go into old age without really being prepared for things. Uh, cause I'm always wanting one person who likes to be prepared for things like, that's just my weird personality, but like, um, as much as I can anyway,
Speaker 2 00:05:42 It's a smarter way to be. I'm more paranoid, paranoid
Speaker 1 00:05:48 Anyway. Um, but like, um, the other thing I was thinking was that as like, as part of learning about things and getting prepared for it also allows us to like advocate for things or at least try to figure out ways to advocate for things. And I think that, um, along with, uh, like, you know, along with a lot of marginalized groups, I think older adults can be marginalized. And I think that, um, yeah, it would
Speaker 2 00:06:16 Be marginalized. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that like,
Speaker 1 00:06:21 Uh, in our small way, I would like our podcast in order, like to, to help advocate for change. Um, not just for people who are older adults now, but like, and I guess this is slightly selfish, but like people who are going to be older adults in the future, which includes us. Right. So
Speaker 2 00:06:43 I think, you know what, you're absolutely right. And I think I'm with you on this one because, um, the more I learn about all these different types of things, right? Like from, um, the economics of things related to aging, to the cycle, psychology of things, you know, the weather, whether it's the way we use language, the way we treat people. Um, I think that, you know, there is a huge, um, need for advocacy, um, you know, for, uh, the aging concept in our society, right. Especially, especially, uh, you know, um, as we know it today, but, um, but I think also advocacy in the sense that, you know, because it's wonderful that there are so, and now that we're actually learning and, you know, discovering, uh, different groups, different, um, organizations, different individuals who are also, you know, uh, working on this topic and, and, and it's wonderful to sort of see, you know, that people are talking about it.
Speaker 2 00:07:55 But, um, the advocacy for me comes in also where it's kind of like making it okay. To feel worried. And like the fact that I'm not always feeling a hundred percent confident about getting older. I, I, to be honest, I'm not, and it's, um, I'm always inspired, like when I go on different social media and I see these amazing quotes and, um, you know, programs or these gorgeous people, you know, who are living life to the fullest, it's something I aspire to be for sure. Um, and, and it's something that I hope to incorporate as I get older, but I feel like I have a lot to work through. And I think that's where our ranty stuff had come in when we were first starting to think about starting this. Yeah. I feel like that's part of the advocacy work that I would also love to incorporate where it's like, how can I make it a safe environment, um, to make it, uh, or, uh, you know, or contribute to making, um, making it easy for people to be vulnerable about all the worries and concerns they have about getting there.
Speaker 1 00:09:06 Yeah. No, I agree. I agree. Because I think that something does get like in social media is especially like, it can be bad for this, which is just like, it presents this very like pristine, clean version of things. And like, it's like not messy in any way. All, you know, like tend to, like the hairs are all in place and everything's beautiful and filtered. And like, the light is amazing, you know? And like, and I'm not even just talking about like the physical appearance of people, but I'm just talking about like, put, like putting everything in rose colored glasses. So I think that, like, I think it is important that we do talk about like what we're afraid of when we come, when we, when we are talking about aging, like, what anxieties do we have? Because it's true. Like I, okay. I think it's true that we should try to view aging as positively as we can, but the, but not the problem, but like the fact of it is that there are, there is a lot of messiness and a lot of, you know, trials and tribulations of aging. And I think that, like, it doesn't really behoove us tonight, not bring that out to light and as part of the preparedness about it too. Right. Because like, if you don't, if you don't talk about it, you'll never know, and you can't prepare for it. Sorry. I'm just laughing.
Speaker 2 00:10:28 I can just see, are you wanting that step-by-step manual? Do I want the manual? It's like,
Speaker 1 00:10:35 If X happens then Y
Speaker 2 00:10:38 What do I do next? Exactly.
Speaker 1 00:10:43 Oh my God. And I know life isn't like that, but at least like, I want to be able to see at least see it in, in reality and not kind of sugar coat things, you know, like, and I think that that's. Yeah. And, and that's what I would like this podcast. I totally agree with you. I think that's like, I'd like what? I'd like this podcast to be like, um, we don't want to be negative, but we don't want to be Pollyanna-ish about this. Right. Like, life is fucking tough. I don't know if we could ever be Pollyanna
Speaker 2 00:11:17 And M N like laughter and stuff. Like, we're both pretty dark. I know. That's
Speaker 1 00:11:22 Why I giggle people don't know this about me yet. I giggled to cover up the darkness without a t-shirt.
Speaker 2 00:11:35 Oh gosh. Yeah, no. Um, so, so I guess then in, in, in that way, like what, when you were talking about advocacy, talk to me a little bit more about that, because I know that you have more experience, um, doing advocacy, work, advocacy work. So just go on, that's it, that's nice of you. I feel like I don't really
Speaker 1 00:11:59 Do all that much advocacy, but like, yeah, no, but I have come across like a number of advocacy groups on the internet. So like, cause obviously like in the states, there's the ARP, um, which, uh, you know, like deals with like concerns for older adults. And then in, in Canada, actually, I didn't realize this, but there is a group called Ken age and I think that they are, um, trying to advocate for, um, you know, the rights of older adults and, um, doing things or like, um, passing bills that will, or like it, or helping to pass bills that will, um, make things easier for, for older adults. Um, for example, like with COVID, you know, like this entire long-term care home issue kind of came to light, which is really upsetting, like, and, you know, like, and the thing is, is like, I, we all will actually, I know, I don't know if we, I can say we all knew, but like, especially in the healthcare industry, like you just kind of, you know, you just had this sneaking suspicion that like, in some long-term care homes, things weren't necessarily going completely well.
Speaker 1 00:13:02 And like, but then COVID like definitely brought that to light. Um, like just kind of like these atrocious conditions and the fact that like healthcare workers in those, like in the long-term care homes where, you know, like kind of underpaid and traveling from long-term care home to long-term care home, and like, like basically spreading COVID in the early, in the early stages of it, you know? So, uh, yeah. So anyways, so can age is kind of like trying to look at those, um, conditions and try to try to make things better. So at the, I just look them up like, uh, I've already signed up for their newsletters and things like that, so I occasionally get, um, information about it. So, um, yeah, so, so those are two organizations that like, uh, that, like, I wouldn't be ha like, I wouldn't be I'm unhappy to like advocate for, or inform people about, so yeah.
Speaker 2 00:13:54 So can each, you said so can,
Speaker 1 00:13:57 So I can get the Canada. Yeah. You know, like, so it was okay. And then age, so age.
Speaker 2 00:14:02 Yeah. Well, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:14:07 I mean, it's nice. It's nice to know that there's, there are groups in Canada that are looking, looking into this. I would just, you know, yeah. I would just like it to be,
Speaker 2 00:14:17 And it's on the website is can h.ca I'm actually on it right now as you're as you were talking. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Sorry. I got distracted. Cause I was like reading up on resource page.
Speaker 1 00:14:36 Yeah. So I would suggest that if anybody's interested then for sure, like go check them out. Um, yeah. And like, I know, I know that there are a lot of, there are like a lot of like smaller, like there are a lot of smaller, um, organizations that, um, are involved in kind of aging and aging advocacy. Um, I think that, I think that we follow a number of them on our social, like on Instagram.
Speaker 2 00:14:59 So, um, we do actually. Yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it. Yeah. Because I know that
Speaker 1 00:15:05 We do follow like the AR a, a R P I think we also follow can age. And, um, there is a, uh, interesting, there's an interesting group that, um, I think I saw them discuss like ages, language. Um, and so they're also on, um, they're also an Insta, so, uh, let me find them,
Speaker 2 00:15:34 This is interesting. So as you were talking, I just realized that apparently, um, they're working can age is working on, um, they've joined a federal round table to create national definition of elder abuse.
Speaker 1 00:15:48 Yes. Yeah. I think that was one of their mandates. I think I saw something in like a newsletter that they had just sent out. Yeah. So I think that they, and they're asking for input from, um, from different, from different groups, um, regarding elder abuse, which is good again, I think that, I think that is something that needs to be, I actually, I think it's something that needs to be discussed. Like it, you know, like I think because it does exist, like everyone talks, everyone talks about child abuse and obviously child abuse is awful, but like abuse in all its forms is really awful. And I think we, as a society need to do something about it. So, um, and, and yeah. And like, you never think about it, like when you get older that you might get abused as an elderly as like an elderly person. So, um, yeah, like there's, there needs to be, there needs to be like stricter laws in place for something like that. Um, I mean, especially like that entire guardianship situation, like in the states, like, I mean, I would consider that to be elder abuse. Oh,
Speaker 2 00:16:50 Completely. Right. What about Canada? Uh, you know, we never really, did we look into it? Um, or did you
Speaker 1 00:16:57 Yeah. I mean, we didn't like, yeah. Like the only thing that we kind of looked into or like, um, or brought up was the fact that like only recently have we actually, you know, have we, have, we had guidelines around the long love around long-term care homes. Right. And I think that that's partly why the long-term care home situation during COVID got so bad, right. Was because there weren't very many laws around it until 2014. And so who knows how many checks and balances went into those long-term care homes before? Right. Like, and like 2014 to 2021 is only like seven years for, um, government agencies to go in and like, make sure that everything's standard and up to code and whatnot. And like government agencies being funded the way they are. Like, I don't know how much of that got done in those seven years, you know,
Speaker 2 00:17:49 Which is really, really,
Speaker 1 00:17:52 I don't know, which is really upsetting, but yeah. Yeah. So like, we're also following like the center for aging better on IgE. So that's, that's, that's one thing and, um, yeah, there's, there's a number of them, so like definitely check them out on our Instagram. Um, we, uh, yeah, like, I, I, like, I like, uh, it's really funny. Like I find like a lot of these like small little, um, small little groups that like advocate for aging, but then like, I don't know how much, but when you look at the number of followers that they have, it's always really like, you know, it's nothing like 1.7 million followers that you see in like a non celebrities, like Instagram handle. It's always like, you know, in the thousands or in the hundreds. And it's just like, Hmm,
Speaker 2 00:18:38 I think, but I think what, what it's in that case, you just know that the quality is, is the passion, right? Like as an it's it's people who are following it are like the passionate ones, the who really care about this issue, which is, um, you know, perhaps in, in some ways more, uh, you know, will lead to more impact in some ways. Um, but, but, but maybe, you know, um, there is an opportunity for, um, sort of corralling DS, uh, groups together and, and, and sort of creating some kind of event. Yeah. I know. I think that there will be something that we could do to work with you. Like, you know, like say, you know, maybe there is some not, not just us, but like, you know, sort of like a, have a collaborative initiative that brings together, you know, all of these organizations and individuals and passionate folks, um, to, I don't know, do something really big.
Speaker 1 00:19:40 Yeah, exactly. I know. Like, I think that, I think that's what I find. Like, I, I feel like they're all in like these little silos, even though they're all kind of working towards the same thing and it's just kind of like, I don't know. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:19:52 How can we amplify their voices? Yes,
Speaker 1 00:19:55 Exactly. Like, I feel like their voices need to be amplified or like there needs to be it's true. I think that there does need to be a collaborative effort so that, you know, things get, um, like big yeah. Like big projects can get done. Right. But, um, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, so that's that and yeah. And I think I really do like the idea of like, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Not positive ranting, but kind of like productive ranting.
Speaker 2 00:20:27 I was hoping you would say that I'm like, oh, please don't tell me that. You know, we were, were completely clean moving out of it because I know that I know we should, um, be more positive. And I feel like, you know, in some ways we are like, you know, we're not, we're not saying that we aren't going there, but I have to admit like, at least once a day, I'll come across a situation where I just go, oh, like, you know, yeah. For a split second. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1 00:20:57 I know like something about my age
Speaker 2 00:20:59 Will annoy me. Yeah. Yeah. I know. You know, whether it's, it's this, you know, COVID 30 pounds that does not seem to be budging as easily or whatever, you know, like something shallow, uh, or something, you know, uh, very minor. But, but even that night, I'll have a split second of like, dammit, like I need to work through this now, you know, I'm not always bouncy. And like, oh, I'm getting older, not a big deal at all. Sometimes it feels like a bit love
Speaker 1 00:21:28 Aging, best
Speaker 2 00:21:34 It's, it's, it's, it's a selfish way of looking at it because there are definitely moments where I'm like, oh my gosh, who gives a crap? You know? But then there are some moments where I'm like, why I just, I wish I had all the wisdom and the resources that I have now, but, you know, but I fit into the same dress that I did at 27. You know, you know what I mean? Like exactly.
Speaker 1 00:21:55 Or I had the same energy that I had like fricking 20 years ago, you know, I'm like,
Speaker 2 00:21:58 I totally get it mind you, we could be like, and work out and, and, and sort of put in the effort to look like that she gets paid to do that. I do not get paid to do that. I have other shit to that get done, involve like tight abs sometimes look at her pictures and I'm like, how can someone be this perfect. And now, I mean, I know it's true. I'm sure. But yeah. So she deserves it for sure. But yeah. Holy crap.
Speaker 1 00:22:32 True. True. Okay. Okay. Let's take a step back. She has her own personal chef, her own personal trainer. Like, you know what I mean? Like there are these like perks that she has in her life that like the average person does not, you know, he doesn't
Speaker 2 00:22:45 Have to put breakfast together every morning.
Speaker 1 00:22:49 Exactly. And all her meals I'm sure are planned for her. It's just like, here, this is like your, you know, chicken and vegetables meal that you're having for lunch. And like, we're going to switch it up, but for dinner, because, you know, you're, you're, you're going to be doing like a 30 minute workout, like in between sets or like whatever she does, I'm just making it up. But like,
Speaker 2 00:23:11 Meanwhile, she's probably like, oh, but I also do this.
Speaker 1 00:23:16 Uh, yeah, I know. No, it's true. Like, I think that like, um, I do, I do wish that I like, like, I think that like nowadays it's true. Like every couple of days, like something goes through my mind where I'm just like, Hm, this wouldn't happen to me in my twenties. I know. Yeah. I mean, I'm still like being super, super, like superficial about my hair. Like it's coming in. I mean, granted, it is kind of coming in like rogue from like from X-Men. So I'm happy about that. But at the same time, I'm like, are you just doing this? Just because there's nothing you can do about it until like
Speaker 2 00:23:57 Hair salons are open. So I kind of gave in and I got a box bottle, like a drugstore thingy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, God got some color back into your hair. Color is back into my hair. Cause I feel like it's just like those past year, all of a sudden I'm like, wait, how did I get so many gray hairs? Um, but you know, no, actually, you know, this actually brings me, um, to just round it out, I guess. Um, yeah, there are still a number of things that I really, you know, on a day-to-day basis feel I'm either annoyed, not, not for myself necessarily, but like, you know, the I'm annoyed by the age-ism that exists, um, career being one of them and a biological clock being another one and, and, you know, uh, you know, yes, there are the, uh, what's the right word for this. Like, you know, where it's like, yes, these are the, you know, um, the positively curated experiences of, or thoughts around these topics, right. It's like, oh, career. Yeah. You know, blah, blah, blah. But as you get experienced, you get, um, you know, promoted, you get success.
Speaker 1 00:25:25 Yeah. People appreciate the experience that you bring, bring, bring to the job, bring to the
Speaker 2 00:25:28 Table. Well, all of that, but I won't lie. There are number of moments where, you know, I probably had a fleeting thought of, you know, I wish I were younger when this was happening or, uh, I wonder if it would have been different. So it's not always a wish I was younger thing, but, but the concept of would it have been different? Had I been younger or would it be different? Had I been older? Yeah. Either way. So I think like, so age in careers is definitely one of those areas that I think, um, you know, uh, I think about a lot, uh, biological clock and, and aware I am in my life with that. And, and some of those decisions around that, um, is something that, you know, um, either positively or negatively, I think about quite a lot. Um, yeah. So what about you? Do you have anything like that? Like where you're like on a day-to-day basis, you think about these kinds
Speaker 1 00:26:26 Of, yeah. Like, I mean, for me it's like physical, physical changes that you notice like, yeah. Like, I mean, like recently I came back from the doctor and they were like, yeah, your checkups. Okay. But you've got like elevated liver enzymes and you're just like, oh, joy. And so then, you know, oh, it's just like, I I'm sure I have like, well, I'm sure it's probably because of like things that I can change, like lose weight better.
Speaker 2 00:26:55 Aren't those two, the answers to every problem. Yeah. Pretty much. That's it. That's basically it. Yeah. That's always
Speaker 1 00:27:03 The answer. Like if anything's gone wrong with you and it's like in the early stages, it's like, it's because you're not using and you're not, and you're not exercising enough. So yeah. Yeah. So like these, yeah. So like that's the thing, like I think it's just because I'm not at my ideal weight and you know, it just takes its toll on its body and like that's what it does, but then it just brings it just, yeah. It just like perpetuates this thought where it's just like, oh, this wasn't an issue when I was doing,
Speaker 2 00:27:34 Oh yeah, no. So, so, oh, you know what, in that case, yes, I have those too, but those physical fears. Um, so yeah, no. So I think that, you know, um, there's still a lot to talk about and work through and answer.
Speaker 1 00:27:50 Yeah. Like, and I still remember telling you, I remember, I remember you were thinking that there was only going to be enough for like, at most a dozen episodes and I'm like, no dude.
Speaker 2 00:28:01 Cause I think in my head I had said, okay, I want to talk about, you know, uh, I want to rant about this and I want to rant about that. And they were all rants and um, and I was like, oh, look at me, I'm a good person. I only have like these 10 topics that I want to rant about who do you that, you know, um, as, as we started renting and talking and discussing these things, like more and more topics just come out of the woodworks are nuances to those topics. Right. Um, so yeah, no, this is hilarious because I'm like, yes, you are correct. I stand corrected. You are correct. And wiser basically, because you're older.
Speaker 1 00:28:49 Exactly. Like I have those extra, like three years, I was like, see,
Speaker 2 00:28:59 It's like, you are wiser Lord. Oh my God. Thousand days worth. Yep.
Speaker 1 00:29:06 Yep. Yeah. I know they pay off. They do pay off. It's an extra, it's an extra several hours per day. Right. Yeah. I wanted to say is like, I mean, I do appreciate all of these like positive, you know, these positive attitudes around aging that we do see on social media. I'm like very, I love those. Yeah. And it does, it helps you get through the day. And like, I think that's what, like, I acknowledge that and it's, and I do acknowledge that the number doesn't matter, right. Like the number does not discount you as a person. It doesn't, it discounts you as an and society. It's more of that. Like, yeah. It's more that, like, we can acknowledge that. And yet still talk about the fact that there are issues that come with getting to certain numbers, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:29:57 And, and they may not, they may seem trivial to other people, um, you know, or they may not seem, you know. Yeah. I think the triviality of it, right. It's like, oh please, it's not a big deal at all. Right. Like where you hear that or yeah. But, and then, you know what, in the long run, it probably isn't. But in that moment, someone whoever's going through that is going through that and it's usually something deeper. Right. Um, and, and I think we know that. Right. Um, I think we know that, you know, when people are feeling scared or sad, um, you know, about certain, uh, age-related milestones, it's usually because it's something deeper that they're working through. And I think when you put that into context, um, that empathy should be there where it's kind of like, uh, don't tell them that, oh, get over it. Or don't tell people that, uh, you know, it's not a big deal or, um, that, uh, oh, you know, don't trivialize their trivial quote unquote you know, anxiety. Yeah. I guess that's my point. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:31:11 Well, no, and it's true. Like, I think that, and I think that, especially with the pandemic, like you do realize that like people's mental health may not necessarily be like completely at 100%. And so, and it's, yeah. It's interesting that you say that like what that, when people are coming to you with, what's what you might consider trivial, it may not be that trivial. Like you just do need to dig a little deeper because you don't know what's happening in the bags. So yeah. Yeah. So like, if somebody like, you know, yeah. Cause somebody could come to you and be like fretting about their white hair, but like really it's more about, you know, like losses that they may be perceiving
Speaker 2 00:31:51 Guilty of trivializing it myself when I say those things. Right. Yeah. Um, but like, I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm being shallow. And, and you know, and I'll joke it off. But you know, there is like, when I think about that, like I know that thinning hair is something that stresses me out. Right. Because I've always had fake hair, but then so did my mom and now my mom's hair is so much thinner. Um, that it's straight, you know, I think it makes me think that, oh my gosh, I'm headed that way too. Um, and I see how she's struggling with this new facade, uh, you know, not for facade facet, sorry of her, of her identity, where she's trying to sort of say, what's going on. Like, you know, I, I was not this person and, and you kind of see the toll it takes on, on someone's self-esteem or, uh, someone's um, view of themselves. Right. And so, so anyway, it was like one of those things where I was like, oh no, what if this happens to me? And so I knew like, um, more than the gray hair, it's, it's more for me the fear of what it's leading to, where I'm like, oh my gosh, is this going to happen to me? And I don't know, it's an unknown, you know? Well, the thing is, is that like you,
Speaker 1 00:33:10 I think that's the, that's the other thing that, like, I don't know that we've touched on and maybe we should another in another episode, but it's just like, as you age, like what you think of yourself as a person needs to ch like has to change because like you see it in the mirror, changing in front of you and then like, and, and I think it involves a little bit of loss and with loss comes the grief. Right. And it's the, it's the, it's the grief around the loss of what you were as like, quote youth, right? Like, I think you do need to kind of talk about that. Like, I mean,
Speaker 2 00:33:45 It's actually a fairly good point and yes. When I'm feeling emotionally stronger. No, no, I'm just joking. You said that that actually really hits close to home because yes. I think that's exactly what it is. It's not, it's not, uh, so much as, you know, um, fear of the unknown, as much as it it's grief for what you're losing, you're losing.
Speaker 1 00:34:15 Yeah. Yeah. And like, and I feel like, and I mean, this is coming as up as a previous pet owner, but like, and I think it's, it's kind of like how non pet owners like trivialize the grief of pet owners, because they, you know what I mean? Like, especially for people who've never like, who maybe never have that loss of like sense of self, which, I mean, great for you, like, you know, more power to you, but like, you know what I mean? It's like some people who don't really understand, like the role that a pet plays in the family, like, you will sometimes be like, oh, I'm really sorry your dog or cat died. So like, and then they look at, but it's kind of like, they almost look at their watch and they'll be like, yeah. So you'll be good in like two to three days. Right. Like, you know, and it's like, what the fuck? It doesn't work like that. You know? But like, um, but like, it's kind of like that, it's like, you know,
Speaker 2 00:35:02 That's insensitive when you lost her. I've never had a pet, but I feel like I'm, I watch I'm like,
Speaker 1 00:35:15 No, no. I think, and I think as people, like, as pet owners talk more and more about like what it means to have pets in your family. I think people are coming to the realization that like, you know, when you lose a pet, it is like losing a member of your family. Right. But like it's, but there are, there are subsets of people who don't really see yet. They're kind of like, oh, it's just an animal. Like, you know, like, yay, you had it for a while, but now it's gone and I'm sisters. Yeah. Don't even get me started. But like, uh, but it's kind of like that, you know, I've never actually experienced it. Then you don't know that like, when somebody is coming to you with like this, Hey, I'm ha like what I'm like, I might be talking to you about thinning hair, but what I'm really talking to you is about like loss of my sense of self, you know, which is like a big fucking deal. I'm sorry. It is cute. But like, you're not because you're not seeing it that directly. Like nobody really understands. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:36:07 And I think it's also because we don't always know. Right. We just know we're feeling something. And I think when we go to our friends and family to talk it out, the reason we're doing that is because we are trying to process it ourselves. Yeah. Um, you know, like, I mean, I know that that actually, it was one of the reasons that I wanted to start this podcast with, because we used to have these kinds of conversations all the time where we were like, trying to sort of just talking it out. You're having each other as a sounding board was useful to sort of get that different perspective. Right. You're like, well, am I being crazy? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:36:46 You know, or, uh, I don't know. Do you remember it was one of those, um, um, I can't remember if it was at a dinner or something we had all gone to. And, um, we were walking like, you know, coming back downtown and, and, um, so, you know, she and I both live downtown Toronto, so, or, you know, anyway, so, and, uh, like this whole conversation around how only young, like 20 something year olds live downtown. And do you remember that? Yeah, like, and I can't remember the context, but I remember how I rate, I felt, uh, after that, uh, conversation and I'm blanking completely on who else it was C it wasn't, it's not relevant at all, but the, the, the sentiment was very relevant to me. Cause I'm like, what are you trying to say? Right. Like, just because we were in our thirties then. And, uh, so, you know, like, just because we're in our late thirties or, you know, whatever, I can't live downtown, like yes. Yeah. Like I need to
Speaker 1 00:37:52 Get, I used to get that all the time. It's like, oh, you must be a big partier
Speaker 2 00:37:55 Or wanting to be exactly on the clubs, you know? And you're like, no, exactly what kinds of things where, uh, I just needed to talk it out and process. And it's like, you know, like what does me wanting to live in like really sweet, tiny little home having anything to do
Speaker 1 00:38:19 My age. Right, right. Yeah. It has nothing to do with age. I know this is, oh my God. I know. Yeah, for sure. Like, I think that, um, yeah, and I, and I think that that brings like, that really bring that really clarifies, like why we want this podcast to continue is just to like, to make it a safe space, to talk about these anxieties and to like, you know, talk about what other people deem as trivial, but actually may be hiding like deeper truths underneath, you know? So like, yeah. Like I, I think that, yeah, like I feel like that's the, and I, and I think that is the problem or not. I mean, it's one of the problems with social media is that like, because everything is so pristine, it doesn't allow you to actually say, Hey, wait a minute. Like, I'm not always feeling like that. You know? Like, like I know, I know you and your life like look amazing and fabulous, but like I'm supposedly in the same boat as you. And like, I don't feel like that, you know? So like, I think that, yeah, like if, if our podcast allows for anything, like I would like for it to allow for that conversation.
Speaker 2 00:39:33 Yeah. Regardless of, you know, gender, regardless of age, actually, you could be, you know, 18 and feeling, uh, out of place or worried or stressed about, you know, getting older or you could be 108, um, uh, male, female, and intersex, uh, whatever gender you identify. But yeah. Um, honestly none of that matters as long as, you know, uh, I think that there is a willingness to learn and, and not, I don't know w w I don't want to say preach, but like, you know, there's just a willing curiosity of like, how, how do I, you know, yeah, yeah. Deal
Speaker 1 00:40:21 With this. Yeah. And the other thing is, is that, like, I do realize that, like, we, we come to it from a certain viewpoint and like, and like, obviously we have shared values. I mean, you know, that's why we hang out together, but with that comes certain biases. I'm sure, like blind biases that might be unconscious. Yeah. And like, and I think that's part of it too. So like, I mean, if people want to write in and tell us like their experience, what their, what they have found like over time, and as they've been aging, like share them with us. Like, I I'd like to learn more, you know, like yeah. Like my journey or like my, like yeah. My journey through life is like, not the same as somebody else's. And like, the way that I view getting older is definitely not the same as somebody else. So like yeah. Like be very open to, to learning about other people.
Speaker 2 00:41:14 We just started having guests over, but I feel like, um, when, whenever we have had the guests over, I've actually really learned a lot. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Uh, and w you know, I've been surprised I've been pleased. I've been confused, you know, but, but, uh, I feel like I have, like, you know, it's like, it's, it's forced me to think about things differently, um, and, and reflect as well for myself. Like, what does that mean for me? And, uh, so, you know, and then that can only be a good thing, right. For sure.
Speaker 1 00:41:48 No, I totally agree. Yeah. So, I mean, I think, uh, I don't know. Do you want to call that an episode then? I
Speaker 2 00:41:54 Think we should call it an episode and tell everyone, like,
Speaker 1 00:41:58 Is that the commercial stick, let's call this an episode.
Speaker 2 00:42:00 Well, it is, it is an episode. I just call it an episode so that, you know, we just call it an episode. It's like, well, that's the end of something here you can think of to talk about on this topic. But, um, but yeah, no, um, you know, definitely, uh, I'm glad you told, um, you know, our listeners to write in, uh, it's always wonderful to hear from them. And, um, yeah, so we're on, does this make me look old.com our website, and from there, you can get our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter handles, um, and definitely
Speaker 1 00:42:36 Follow us on stuff for sure. Um, yeah, I am now actually following us, like, so now we're not following us, but I do sometimes, like
Speaker 2 00:42:45 I was so impressed, so impressed with you. I know
Speaker 1 00:42:53 I've liked numbers of things. I'm like, I'm getting there. I'm saying, yeah,
Speaker 2 00:43:00 That's awesome. I'm very, very proud of you. Um, so yeah, so, um, until thanks again for joining us this week and until next week,
Speaker 3 00:43:10 Uh, talk to you then. Sounds good. Bye bye.
