Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Hi, and welcome to does this make me look old, a podcast about aging as gracefully as possible when you're just not ready for two 40 something year old friends will find themselves kind of straddling that really odd period of time when aging and everything that is associated with is starting to become a much bigger part of our lives. We're definitely curious, but at the same time, rather terrified about aging. I'm Schiff. I'm a health science nerd and pop culture themes, and I'm SIM and adult and waiting obsessed with finance and self-help books. We're going to be talking about the stereotypes of aging and how they affect us. And we'll also be doing some deeper dives into some interesting topics, such as what it's like to get old in the society dating when you're older and scientific advancements in anti-aging products and even evolution and scientific thinking around aging and throughout it all we chat rant laugh about or adulting mishaps of which there are so, so, so many. So join us as we navigate our second quarter-life crisis.
Speaker 0 00:01:08 Hi, and welcome back to this week's episode of, does this make me look old? Yeah, so, um, we're very lucky to have our friends, Jason, Liam, and Craig, uh, join us again this week to discuss their perspective on aging and, uh, yeah, so we're really happy to have the male perspective and we're going to continue to talk about their, um, their thoughts on it. So, yeah. So welcome back. So I actually have a shallow question, but, um, what about like, things like when you first noticed a gray hair, if you guys actually have gray hair or something like that, like a very trivial thing, did you like have some kind of reaction to it? I don't think
Speaker 1 00:01:58 I had a gray hair went straight to white. I'm not sure what happened, but it's like every once in a while, like I obviously still have some, luckily it's not enough where you can really notice, but yeah, yeah. I'm looking at it. So the first time I was like, what the hell is that? I thought something fell into my hair or in my head, because I was only like, in my thirties,
Speaker 0 00:02:23 I've always just been very curious about that because I feel like I've had similar conversations on this with, with a lot of my friends where everyone sort of has a reaction to the first time they see, um, you know, uh, gray hair or white hair in your case. But, uh, I just realized that I actually didn't know how you guys had felt about it.
Speaker 2 00:02:43 Well, I can say that. I, yeah. I mean, I remember it just, I know there's, there's a gray hair. Oh crap. But I didn't really dwell on it to be honest with you. Um, maybe that's a, more of a reflection of the male perspective on aging, not obsessing a whole lot about the physical aspect of it other than, yeah. I guess, I don't know, personally, I get to be more focused on, you know, the whole, um, do I have the same physical strength and energy as I used to, and that kind of thing, but not the actual appearance factor. It's not, not nearly as big an issue. Yeah. Told you that was a trivial question. I think it's natural to notice changes in your body or something like these markers that I think it basically is kind of cluing you into where you are, but then how that impact you is, uh, I mean different according to the person, I mean, um, in a way it, it, it may impact you for, I think for, in some cases, you know, the, the little bit of gray hair, you know, people talk about that in euphemisms, probably the wrong word, but like, uh, in, in the way of saying, oh, that person's got some experience now, right.
Speaker 2 00:04:01 That comes across in business. Um, sometimes, oh, the gray beard. Right. Do you have any gray beards around there? Yeah. Yeah. And so it's used as a bit of a colloquialism for, Hey, you need somebody with some experience over there. Um, but yeah, like in terms of a physical thing, I'm with, uh, Liam in that I noticed more, uh, also some of the things Craig mentioned, you know, recovery times or sports that you may or may not want to, or be able to do, you know, can't jump as high or, you know, I used to rock climb and stuff, and now I don't do that as much anymore. And some of that is risk-related, you know, if you get injured, um, that I think you're just simply more aware of the impact that that might have, you know, if you wreck your knee, um, and it takes you out for a couple of years and some of that comes back to that perception of time to, you know, you wanted to go on that holiday next year and hike in the mountains.
Speaker 2 00:05:00 How many more of those vacations do you have, where you can really be hardcore about it? Um, so I think you're a little bit more risk aware if, if not risk averse, uh, in that dimension or the wisdom that it's just not worth it to take the risk. Yeah. Yeah. Like a rock climb, take a big fall, crack your head open is kind of like, you're just more, you've seen more, you've seen more people hurt themselves or, uh, seen that impact in their life or their career. So I think you recalibrate your understanding of risk. Sometimes.
Speaker 3 00:05:37 I think, I think you misspoke
Speaker 4 00:05:43 It misspoke. I think she should have said, when did you first notice you might be losing hair?
Speaker 2 00:05:54 Well, for me, that was a long time ago. I wouldn't associate it with,
Speaker 0 00:06:01 I hadn't thought of that shit. It's like, no, when people only notice things from their own perspective,
Speaker 2 00:06:11 That's probably an apt, uh, comparison or more apt for totally,
Speaker 0 00:06:18 Totally. Um, do you know what that was brilliant? I'm like, whoa, I actually didn't think of that.
Speaker 1 00:06:26 It's weird though. Cause I find like, some people look better almost with like, like bald or shape head and like, right. Yeah. Like it's funny, but I couldn't picture Liam with hair.
Speaker 2 00:06:42 Yes. Better looking. That's all you need to know. I would be better looking. Yeah. I don't know
Speaker 1 00:06:49 If I sat her. I would have to see it, I guess. Yeah. It would just, if I've never known a Noni obviously with hair, so to me it just looks like natural that you don't have hair like me personally. Like I I'm worried if I would lose my hair. Cause I don't think I have a good shake head to be bald. And that any anybody that I've seen that's bald. I always look at, look at, I think to myself, I don't say this, but I always look at them and like, yeah, at least they have a good shaped head. If I go bald, then I got nothing. Oh my gosh. That was the right question.
Speaker 2 00:07:29 Think you're safe, Craig, you would've noticed by 40, that's going to happen. Hopefully. Why do women obsess over gray hair?
Speaker 0 00:07:40 Good question. I don't know. But I think you, uh, I think it was you or it was probably your limo. You mentioned the word appearance and I don't know if societaly at least I'll speak for myself, but you know, I don't know if I've been conditioned to sort of think that that's how I should react, um, to a gray hair. So the first time I did see it, uh, I remember, you know, just feeling so shocked and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have a gray hair and turned out. I actually had more at the back of my head, which someone else's was kindly pointed out to me, which I was like horrified at the time. Um, but it did take awhile, uh, getting used to emotionally, somehow. Um, although I actually happened to thank silver hair or salt and pepper looks, uh, you know, a gray hair, the, you sort of see the trend, like a lot of women with like gorgeous, luscious silvery, gray hair. I find it gorgeous. But um, it's funny for my own self. I did have a hard time, uh, when I first noticed it a few years ago.
Speaker 2 00:08:49 I mean, at least you can do something about it. You in theory, can, you know, diet, this is balding, which is a much more complex task.
Speaker 0 00:09:00 What was it difficult for you to make the decision to cut a shape it off? Or did you know your, you would do it.
Speaker 2 00:09:08 Yeah, no, I don't know. Well, there is actions you can take, uh, you know, obviously there's Rogaine and all these things like this, but I don't know. Maybe I just saw it as a challenge, like, okay, well, you know, I'm going to have to my, you know, personality game or something like that. I don't know. Cause it happened when I was younger. Like I remember first year university noticing it. And so yeah, you know, I think there's the appearance aspect. And then there's also the performance aspect. We've talked about multiple times, right? It's like you reach an age and it's, you know, the, the time when you realize, okay, this, this, uh, you're doing pickup basketball or ultimate Frisbee or rock climbing or something, and then you see a younger person, you know, do something which, you know, you used to be able to do and you know, you probably never will be able to do again. It's those kinds of markers. I think that make you pause and think about your age maybe sometimes. Yeah, for sure. But I mean,
Speaker 4 00:10:10 Do you look at it with regret because you're not able to do these things or is it just kind of like a, an Imperial kind of come to an acceptance of it at this point
Speaker 2 00:10:20 Probably depends on your, uh, self perception and you know, how you define yourself. Right. I mean, I imagine that's gotta be really tough for people who really define themselves, uh, in their physicality, you know, or as an athlete or something. That's probably a really tough thing to grapple with if that's a key piece of your identity. Um, but you know, those are the things that give you that, you know, experience and wisdom and otherwise it lets you gives you some perspective, um, there's that tipping point of each of these, um, capabilities I guess, or, uh, markers. I mean, you look at it with some level of consciousness, Hey, you know, maybe I can't climb that super hard thing anymore, but do I really want to, that's one thing, but then the other one is just like the other things that you've gotten, the experiences that you've got and recognizing is just a natural function of how life goes. Right. I think it's maybe the beginning step to help you realize that, you know, other things are going to happen too. Right. And as you get older, you see parents or relatives, um, you know, sometimes it's like getting cancer or having some degenerative disease or something like that. I think, I think getting some experience and perspective is helpful for that. And maybe this is just the universe's way of showing you a little piece of that so that you can be more ready to help out with the bigger pieces when they come. So
Speaker 0 00:11:50 Speaking of markers, um, are there any markers that you're looking forward to that you know, is coming your way because of
Speaker 3 00:12:03 Retirement? Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 0 00:12:10 Okay. Crank retirement. So, so 65 and you're retiring or early retirement, like what are you looking forward to?
Speaker 1 00:12:20 And why? I mean, when, when I was in university, the big thing was freedom 55 and it's like, I don't think that exists anymore. Or if they does, they change the slogan. But yeah. I mean, he was good
Speaker 2 00:12:33 Free at 55. Exactly what we need up at freedom 65.
Speaker 1 00:12:41 Yeah. I mean, it's, it's tough. Like retirement for me is just means like you kind of a wake up at like nine or 10 o'clock in the morning. You go go for some walks, like do a light workout, cook a meal and cook a dinner, stuff like that. Just kind of relaxing, travel, just always doing stuff that you want to do all the time. Um, being completely free of, well, pretty much free of responsibility, essentially. That's, that's more like a pipe dream into reality and they win the lottery. But, um, you sounded so wistful there. Correct. But yeah, I mean like age to me is other than that like more seriously age is I guess a good thing because like, if you're, I want to be getting older cause I want to, I want to be living. But, um, yeah. And just to, to try to, as I age, like make sure that I live a lifestyle that you can try to maintain like a somewhat decent quality of life. So, I mean, at the end of the day stem stuff out of your control, like you get diagnosed with like an illness or something like you can't really control that all you can do is kind of react to it and kind of roll with the punches, so to speak and do the best you can. But
Speaker 2 00:14:06 Hey, here's a question for you guys, if you could freeze your, I mean, cause you were, if you could freeze your life at any age, what age would you have frozen at at, or will freeze it at Schiff? Go first. You just did that for the whole group.
Speaker 0 00:14:30 Yeah, yeah. I'll shift. Maybe you start and they'll listen to what everyone else has to say.
Speaker 4 00:14:37 I feel like you need to say the age at least, and then you can explain later.
Speaker 0 00:14:42 Okay, fine. I'll do that. But go ahead.
Speaker 4 00:14:44 Um, I know, I mean, I feel like, I think, and this is, this is my issue with age and like aging, is that like, um, is that I feel that there are still better things to come in my life. At least I like, at least I had the optimism to think that better things are going to be coming in my life. So I don't know that I would actually want to freeze it right now. So, but I can't say because like it's coming into the future. So I have no idea it wasn't in the past though,
Speaker 0 00:15:19 So. Okay. So my answer is not that nice. Um, no, um, so I think it, it, it, it has something to do with, oh, so I don't know if I would actively choose all aspects of a specific age because you know, you guys touched on a number of really good points today, right? Like, uh, career progression, uh, lessons learned, uh, you know, things achieved, et cetera. So I feel like there are certain things that I've done at different ages. Um, and that I would love, you know, like I, I think I love the passion or the energy I had when I achieved that. But I also, there are some, sometimes there are, you know, the markers, Jason, you mentioned where, you know, you sort of recognize like, oh my gosh, like if I were, um, five years younger, I might have been able to do something.
Speaker 0 00:16:20 So it's, so those markers that I haven't achieved in my life, when I think about it and I get freaked out about it, that's when I kind of wished that I could freeze time in a way, but not necessarily at a specific age, but just freeze it until I catch up. Does if that makes sense, you know, so it's kind of like, oh my gosh, like I, you know, cause, but, but in a lot of different ways I am better off today than I was when I was younger. So, so yeah, that's a very roundabout question.
Speaker 2 00:16:52 No, Sam, I think you're hitting on some really good points, which is basically that fortunately for all of us, the universe is kind of fair, right? Like you, you get some things when you're young and you get other things when you're older, which I think makes the question difficult. I mean, certainly I think that question for me has receded. I, I think I would have thought that way a little bit more in the past, you know, I wish I could be this age and I could still, you know, jump this high or spike the volleyball or whatever it is that you, you really, you know, became good at at one point in your life. Um, but then over time you, you see, um, that there is advantages to each phase of life, I guess. Right. So which goes back to, I think to that, the big question, which I think you guys were asking, which is, what do you look forward to?
Speaker 2 00:17:46 One of the things I'm a little bit older than some of you is that you have enough experience, I think, to live more vicariously through other people that you know, and are close to. Right. So, you know, you see kids grow up and you know, some of my friends, their kids in five or 10 years, they're going to be getting married or having children, you know, or, uh, nieces and nephews or for some people grandchildren, you know? And so I think it's, um, it's a magnifier, if you have spent a little bit of time reflecting on your life because you get to impart some wisdom, but then you also get to revisit parts of your life through other people's lives. And I see that more now and I add to it is something very powerful.
Speaker 3 00:18:40 That really
Speaker 0 00:18:40 Is actually I hadn't thought of that.
Speaker 2 00:18:42 Yeah. That's, uh, that's very true. Um, Jason, actually, I, can I take a lot of pleasure in seeing, um, you know, younger engineers succeed and develop, see their careers develop as an, as an example, or, you know, having, you know, new dads, et cetera, as another example I can, you know. Yeah. It's just that you take, I'm really surprised by that. Um, and you're, you're obviously more experienced and wise than myself and, and have already figured that out, but I can see that a hundred percent that the joy of seeing living vicariously through others. Well, the rewards, in some cases, you know, um, I mean you experienced some tough things in your life and other younger people that may be close to you may be experiencing it for the first time and you have some perspective to offer, which is kind of amazing, you know, it's kind of reaffirming for life as well. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 4 00:19:41 So did you answer your question? What time, what age would you freeze yourself?
Speaker 2 00:19:49 It was more a provocative question. I obviously wasn't expecting answers, but all I can say for myself is that surprisingly, um, it's for me, I wouldn't have expect this when I was younger, but now being 41 I'll can say is it's not in the past. Um, you know, you know, it's not 30 or 20 where I had more energy or more, whatever life was more ahead of me or more, you know, anything but lack the life experience. I mean, maybe for me, I could say maybe the answer is to be frozen at this age, which I'm quite happy with life at this age, but it's not in the past for sure. And in fact, if you had to choose, if I had to choose between freezing my age at 20 or 30 or 40, I would pick 40. Um, so I, I think, um, it's getting better with age thus far. I have a feeling if I had to choose between, you know, being 50 or being, I mean, it may be a different answer, but at this stage in my life at at least, um, is progressing in a positive way. I love hearing that.
Speaker 3 00:20:59 Craig, we
Speaker 0 00:21:00 Didn't hear your answer to Liam's question. I'm curious.
Speaker 1 00:21:05 Yeah. Like for me, like, I, I I'm happy now. I don't think that means I was unhappy before necessarily, but like, there'll be times when I'll, I'll reflect back on like years gone by or younger, younger times and think of things that, oh, that was, that was really fun. I enjoyed that. And sometimes you kind of are nostalgic about it, things like that, but at the same time, it's kind of like, yeah, but I don't know if I didn't enjoy that as much now as I did back then, like, you're kind of in a different space. Like it's really hard to pick, like what time at least for up to now, at least it's hard to pick a favorite time. I really liked them all. And uh, even now as I'm getting like older, like I don't know what the future would bring necessarily. And I think to Liam's point like 50 versus 90, that might be a different, a different question. But at the same time, I think it really depends on like, like health and like how you feel. So if you feel great and you're like a good health, like I know people, you see people that are like 80 90 that are like really in good, good physical condition. So yeah, like, but sometimes being in too good of a physical condition can be tough too, because you then, then what happens is you, you still think you're 25, but really you're 80. And then you start doing tasks that you shouldn't be doing at 80.
Speaker 1 00:22:44 So like, I know one of my grandfathers, he kinda got into trouble doing something like that. Right. He took a fall off of a ladder and, and really injured himself. But, but like up until then, it's like that, that would be how I would want to be as I got older, like being able to essentially do all the same things I did when I was
Speaker 3 00:23:02 Like, even now.
Speaker 4 00:23:04 Yeah. Well, I mean, that's what we all hope for basically. Um, so are there any parting words that you guys might want to like give people with regard to like approaching older ages?
Speaker 2 00:23:19 Well, based on, uh, Jason's comments I'm looking for, I it's, it's a positive message for I'm looking forward to 10 years from now. Say that. I mean, I think everybody had a, a pretty positive message. Um, so it's, you know, encouraging, uh, the media almost makes it sound like a whole aging. It's so horrible, but in reality and, you know, actually talking to people and you can as evidenced by, uh, people here it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not all bad. And if not more good than if not, uh, if not a good thing, I
Speaker 4 00:23:56 Was going to play devil's advocate and say, isn't that just because you can't really do very much about it.
Speaker 2 00:24:02 That's true. Maybe it's acceptance. It's the one
Speaker 1 00:24:06 Thing and every person on the planet has in common. We're all getting older. At some point you have to accept it.
Speaker 0 00:24:14 I think we're very lucky we're getting older right. As well. So
Speaker 1 00:24:18 Yeah, I agree. I'd rather get older than the alternative. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4 00:24:27 Um, anyway, so, um, I guess like, I guess we can call it an episode, I think, uh, thank you guys for coming and doing this with us. I think you, uh, it's, it's interesting to hear the male perspective on aging because we can, I feel like sometimes we can be in our own little echo chamber when it's just when it's just me and, um, SIM. So it's nice to see what other people are thinking and it's nice to kind of get like a different, like the different gender perspective on it as well. So yeah. Thanks for agreeing to do this guys.
Speaker 0 00:24:55 Definitely. I, I learned so much actually. I, you guys give me a lot of things to think about. I was like making notes and uh, I was like, oh my gosh, I was going to tell after this call, be like, oh my God, this, like, we need to put that on a t-shirt.
Speaker 2 00:25:10 Thank you guys for the opportunity. I am. I think it's a really good thing to talk through these things, particularly some of the positive dimensions, because I think as, as, uh, some of you, others were saying during, you know, this, this time, there is a lot of, there's a lot of shorthand to talking about aging and it's all about things. They tend to be mostly bad things. So, um, it's nice to have a chance to reflect on and think about potential good things, right?
Speaker 4 00:25:41 Yeah. I mean, I think, and I mean, I think that, um, Liam said it best, like, I feel like that the media does put a very negative spin on aging, but like when you, when, I mean like, just like this, when a bunch of us get together and like really focus on what it means to get older, like you do find that for the most part, most people are not really regretful about it, you know? So it's, it's, it's good to hear that because sometimes you can get in your own head about it and, um, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:26:12 And it's nice to sort of, um, you know, to Jason's earlier point about living vicariously and learning through their experiences. Right. Um, I think it gives us a chance to sort of, uh, realize, you know, some of, or reframe some of our own experiences because as you're talking it through, you're like, actually that wasn't a big deal for me, or it isn't an issue about, you know, uh, that worries me anymore, or actually it didn't. So, so thank you for that.
Speaker 4 00:26:46 Great. So I guess, um, I guess, yeah, we'll call it, we'll call it an episode and I guess, um, uh, if find us on social, um, we're on, uh, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, um, and you can find all those social handles on our website. Uh, does this make me look old at g-mail dot com? So feel free to email us, um, and let us know what you thought
Speaker 0 00:27:11 Until next week. Thanks guys. Thank you.
